Survivor: ‘Second Chance’ Recap

A Second Chance

Jeff Probst: “How often do you replay Tribal Council?”
Kelly: “Every day!”

Survivor is back for its 31st fucking season! Holy shit. And I don’t know what is worse…the fact that this show has been on the air for 31 fucking seasons or the fact that I have never missed an episode since the best reality show in television history aired its first episode back in the summer of 2000. I was still in high school when it all began and clearly I’m still a nerd. Hell, we went camping that summer and I vaguely remember all of us voting out one of our buddies from camping. Classic!

That said, I love the fact that they are bringing back castaways for the 31st go around, especially Kelly who was there for the first Survivor and lost to a naked, tax evading genius. Richard was one of the best players to play this game but who will come out victorious this year? Your guess is as good as mine.

I do know this though…if Mikey was on this season of Survivor, I would win. Period. I’m still 100% positive that I would completely dominate on Survivor no matter who I’m up against, veterans or not. I don’t need a lot of food, I love the outdoors / being out of my element and I have a TON of energy. The only problem is that Canadians are not allowed to play Survivor! Earth to CANADA…let’s bring this damn show here, please!

So grab your buff and your torch and let’s get ready for some tribal council!

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South Park: ‘Where My Country Gone’ Review

Buckle Up, Buckaroo

Mr. Garrison is at it again and this time he’s after illegal immigrants. Wait, I mean undocumented immigrants…don’t want the bro squad getting in my face. The only problem is that the bro squad is back from the premiere and it looks like South Park is continuing its season long stories. I am epically thrilled. Even Randy is still a total PC bro.

We immediately find out that the immigrants in question are actually the northern kind and once again South Park has us calling people our buddy, friend and guy. Every time Canada is involved in South Park you know it’s going to be a good time.

So buckle up buckaroo and enjoy the recap but a quick warning: it might be a good idea to avoid getting into a vehicle with Caitlyn Jenner. You’ve been warned.

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Scream Queens: ‘Hell Week’ Series Premiere Review (Part II)

Helluva Good Time

The first hour of Scream Queens was a treasure of television goodness. If you haven’t read our review of the pilot yet, be sure to click here and catch up before reading on as this review only covers the last half of the two-hour premiere.

Of course, the second half was not nearly as good without Deaf Taylor Swift but it still had a ton of great moments and catch phrases. Emma Roberts continues to shine as Chanel Oberlin and Nasim Pedrad has dazzled us as Gigi Caldwell. So far, Gigi is my absolute favorite and I really hope she is not murdered any time soon (or not at all). The entire cast has done a remarkable job of establishing their characters and by the second hour, I’m already liking most of them. That is no easy feat.

And what would this show be without some crazy twists and we had just that by the end of the premiere. At this point, I have no idea who the killer is but that’s what makes this murder mystery so much fun! Quick, grab some Burger Shack (with a sprinkle of candle wax) and enjoy the review!

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Scream Queens: ‘Pilot’ Series Premiere Review (Part I)

Get Your Scream On

AHHHHHHH! That’s the sound of me screaming because Scream Queens has finally premiered and it was worth the wait. Emma Roberts is a quote-dropping goddess, Lea Michele was hilarious as Hester, deaf Taylor Swift is the next American Idol and Jamie Lee Curtis is, well, Jamie Lee Curtis. Need I say more?

With American Horror Story: Hotel right around the corner, Ryan Murphy appears to have done it again with Scream Queens and the premiere episode was both fun and fantastic. Also, the music was phenomenal, as it always is with Ryan Murphy involved, so I’m going to do my best to include any and all of the music featured in these episodes. After all, waterfalls is my JAM!

So let’s head to Kappa Kappa Tau’s sorority house and check in on our Scream Queens for Part I of the series premiere. It was definitely a fun lawnmower ride. Enjoy the recap fellow screamers!

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Fear The Walking Dead: ‘Not Fade Away’ Review

Just A Perfect Day

A Perfect Day - Fear The Walking Dead

These people are the worst. With the zombie outbreak in full effect, our family decides to go for a jog, chill in the pool and of course paint some rooms. Also, golfing is totally a thing for the military now. As I mentioned last week, I was wishing these idiots would have left town and started on an adventure but no, instead they are trapped inside sweet suburbia on a sunny day with no where to go because the military has taken complete control of the neighborhood.

Unfortunately, there really wasn’t much to this episode. We spent a lot of time with our main characters just doing normal things which makes for a terrible story. This is the fucking zombie apocalypse and I want to see shit hit the fan…not Nick lounging in a pool. It took the entire episode to finally move the story forward, and with only two episodes remaining, the writers are running out of time to really wow us.

I did, however, thoroughly enjoy the opening and final scenes of Not Fade Away. With Lou Reed’s Perfect Day playing the background, we get a number of shots of our main characters having a pretty damn good time. I highly encourage you to check out the track below, it’s quite chilling. So what are you waiting for? It’s a beautiful day outside so sit back and relax, hit the play button and enjoy this perfectly perfect day.

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South Park: ‘Stunning And Brave’ Review

Check Your Privilege

Feeling good on a Wednesday! South Park returned for its 19th season last night and with so much ridiculousness to choose from, they pretty much included everything they possibly could. We had references to Caitlin Jenner, Bill Cosby, Syrian refugee children, Tom Brady and the NFL and even Jared made an appearance.

The episode was great in that it addressed a lot of serious world issues and they did so in hilarious fashion. I mean, all you have to do is go on any social medium and you are sure to find people preaching about what is politically correct these days. Attempting to force people to share their views on these hot topics appears to have been the perfect storm for South Park who decided to use a fraternity of bro’s to get their message across.

And while I agree that there has been a ton of insane shit going on in the world, it is probably true that some people are just like PC Principal in trying to enforce their opinion. Whatever happened to letting people form their own opinions on the world around them? Well, that’s why we have South Park. Enjoy the recap.

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Fear The Walking Dead: ‘The Dog’ Review

Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Zombies At My Neighbors

After taking a non-nonsensical week off last week after only airing two episodes, Fear the Walking Dead returned this week with a brand new episode titled The Dog and it appears it was worth the wait. The first couple of episodes were dragged out but the show appears to be picking up steam. That said, I was fairly disappointed when the military showed up at the end. I would have much preferred our modern families headin’ off on the highway and figuring out what to do next rather than stay home and play board games.

That said, I did like the Monopoly reference at the beginning even if it’s probably the last thing people should be doing during a zombie outbreak. I should also mention that playing a game of Monopoly can sometimes be worse than the zombie apocalypse. This is completely based on my own personal experience and I highly discourage playing this game with lawyers and/or business majors.

Luckily though, this episode was not half bad and even though all of the major characters are still alive and well, it was nice to see the neighborhood falling apart right before our eyes. Poor Susan and Patrick.

Now grab some dice and get rollin’ with the hopes of landing on Free Parking and enjoy the review!

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Under the Dome: ‘The Enemy Within’ Series Finale Review

Saving The Worst For Last

Saving The Worst For Last

This show will always have a special place in my dome-shaped heart. It was the first series I ever reviewed and that is pretty much the only reason it will ever be special because the series finale of Under the Dome, titled The Enemy Within, was quite possibly the absolute worst thing I have ever seen.

The summer of stupidity has finally come to an end. It has been quite a journey ever since the Dome came down on Chester’s Mill three years ago (or four weeks ago in Dome time). And we have seen it all…monarch butterflies taking over, dome-shaped eggs with pink stars falling in lines, vacation pods and healing cocoons, the world’s worst parent (Caroline, I miss you), the world’s worst sheriff (Linda, I miss you too), Joe losing his virginity, a shit ton of murder and, of course, dome logic! I will at least give this series credit for coming up with something that absolutely no one on this planet could have ever predicted. Certainly there is no place like Dome!

If your brain survived three summers of this, congratulations because you made it! The dome has officially been lifted, CBS has finally cancelled this nonsense and our brains can finally begin the healing process. Of course, the series finale explained absolutely nothing so if you came here looking for answers you will find none. Get ready for lots more murder, some really cool special effects and everyone’s favorite dog Indy and enjoy the last review of Under the Dome.

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American Horror Story: Hotel ‘Hallways’ Trailer

AHS Hotel Checking in Oct 7th

As you all know, we are huge fans of FX’s American Horror Story and this year we’re heading to the hallways of the Hotel Cortez where things are sure to get bat shit crazy. Today, Ryan Murphy officially revealed the first trailer for the upcoming 5th installment and we finally get to see some of the crazy characters that we’re going to be spending lots of time with starting next month. American Horror Story: Hotel premieres Wednesday, October 7th on FX and we’ll be recapping all of the action! Stay tuned and check out the trailer below:

Under the Dome: ‘Incandescence’ Review

Blunder Dome

Blunder Dome

The dome days are officially over. CBS has cancelled their greatest comedy to date and I am extremely disappointed. Summer will never be the same again. Last night’s episode, titled Incandescence, offered up one of the funniest episodes to date. We had purple tentacles, dome’s calcifying, a plan to murder the entire town, attempted child murder and ninja-like shadow queen’s with the ability of super speed. It was as if there were absolutely no limits on stupidity this week and man, am I ever going to miss this terribly bad series. I never thought I’d say that but let’s just admit that we only watch this show because it’s like a train wreck that you simply cannot look away from.

With only one more episode remaining until the series finale, Incandescence was the epitome of dumb in every way. Nothing made any sense and murder seems to be everyone’s solution to EVERYTHING in Chester’s Mill.  Dome + Calcification = Murder. Cure not working + Joe trying to bring the dome down = Murder. Eavesdropping on a plot to murder the entire town + confronting the person with the plan = Murder. Seriously though, when the dome does come down, and I’m almost positive it will, a lot of these people are gonna be going to prison for a very long time.

There was just so much to make fun of in this episode that I really don’t know where to start but I better hurry up and figure this out or the dome is going to calcify and kill us all. Or I’ll simply be murdered by one of the residents of Chester’s Mill. Enjoy the recap Domies and Dorphans!

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