This show! I don’t know why but I just can’t stop loving Ryan Murphy’s latest series. Is it this amazing cast, Coney included? The hilarious antics of Denise Hemphill? Or frat boys getting their arms chopped off by chainsaw-wielding maniac’s as the Backstreet Boys Everybody plays in the background? All of the above.
Chainsaw hit all the right spots and I couldn’t get enough. I think this show especially works great if you don’t take it to seriously. While there is a murder mystery going down at Kappa Kappa Tau’s sorority house, the best parts of this show are the laughs and they have not stopped. Denise was by far the highlight of this episode with some hilarious moments and even though we’re not even close to figuring out who’s behind the red devil mask, it appears each character is going to have their own motive going forward.
Plus there was Coney, the greatest school mascot to ever grace us with his presence. Enjoy the recap, screamers!
The Coney Chainsaw Massacre
Our episode begins with Grace and Zayday shopping for pork rinds and ranch chips (with sizerp). Zayday ends up grabbing a ridiculous amount of chips in the process.
That’s a lot of chips, girl! She also wants some syrup to dip the ranch chips in…gross! They eventually come across the red devil and immediately attack him. Evidently, this was not, in fact, the red devil and unfortunately he gets ball blasted with a taser gun for his troubles. It turns out that the red devil was just some random named Eugene who is obviously not the murderer.
Meanwhile, Chanel #2’s frozen dead body has disappeared, just like the others, and Chanel #5 lets Oberlin know that she would rather get Eiffel-towered by hot morons.
Grace and Zayday head back to KKT headquarters where they’re snooping around in Chanel #2’s room. Denise shows up and the results were beyond hilarious. Niecey Nash is slaying it as Denise and she once again was dropping quote after quote throughout the episode. The stain on the floor is clearly blood according to Denise since any time someone asks “oh, is that blood?”, it’s almost always blood. She pulls out her trusty can of Luminol which she keeps handy due to her love for Arby’s and hate for horseradish. Classic Denise.
She also lets the girls know that it’s suspicious that no one is looking for Chanel #2 considering the fact that she tweeted ‘I’m being murdered by the Red Devil.’ It looks like Denise is the only sensible one and she does it in the funniest possible way. I cannot get enough of her.
Grace and Zayday depart for a candlelight vigil for Boone with Bone Thugs N Harmony’s Crossroads playing in the background. Yet another awesome song selection and you can check out the track below:
Chanel catches up with Chad at the vigil and he’s super sad about his best friend Boone’s murder. Chanel wants Chad back but he can’t get over the fact that she started freaking out when he said he wanted to have sex with her corpse. Chanel requests that Chad have sex with a smaller number of people but Chad is having none of it because he’s a psych major and thinks Chanel is pathological. Chanel concludes that Chad must love him since he doesn’t love the girls he sleeps with but Chad breaks up with her for the 15th time because her new pledges are donkey faces. He tells her to pray that they all get murdered so they can get back together, giving Chanel a motive. Even though Chad is a total douche, the way he thinks is total ‘bro’.
Dean Munsch gives a speech at Boone’s vigil where she lets everyone know that Boone’s death has been ruled a suicide even though his throat was slit. With the recent attack on Eugene’s balls, the Dean also announces the new school mascot which also happens to be the greatest mascot I have ever seen.
Coney is total awesomeness but we should all find that tortured gay kid in our lives and hold them close because shit is about to get all ‘murder’ on us.
Later, Zayday, Grace and Denise head over to Chanel #2’s house and have a chat with her rich idiot parents who inform us that Chanel #2 had a thing with Chad. You see, Chad loved the fact that her dad was so rich and loved porking her. Chad’s dialogue is beyond hilarious. I love that they are going over the top with him because it’s too funny. Plus, who didn’t know a douche like that in college? Classic stuff.
After their visit to Bel-Air, Zayday and Grace go to their film studies class where Grace finds out that her dad, Wes, is the new professor. Embarrassing much? If my parents did this, I would immediately drop out. Jennifer, our resident candle video blogger, was also in class and while she wasn’t allowed to light a candle during class, we did find out her favorite movie:
I’m also willing to bet her favorite song is Candle in the Wind. Jennifer, you’re such a geek but I love you for your candle references. So Wes decides to show the class what he thinks is the greatest film of all time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A great choice considering this episode was all about chainsaws. There is definitely something really weird about Grace’s dad though. He’s been listening to a lot of 1995 jams and now this. I get the feeling there is a lot more to his story.
We catch back up with the new mascot, Coney, and this is when things start to get really fun! Coney is one bad ass mascot. He’s giving people high-fives, smacking some ass, grabbing some boobs and enjoying his new found popularity…and he’s doing it all to Wham’s I’m Your Man. Just awesome.
Seriously, this mascot was the best thing ever until the Red Devil had to ruin all of our fun. Coney goes back to his dorm room where he’s greeted by Mr. Red Devil and his new chainsaw. It’s not a good time to be an ice cream cone.
The poor cone never had a chance but at least he got to touch some boobs before he died.
Rock Your Body Right
We catch up with Hester who is in Chanel’s ‘closet vag’ trying on some things. Chanel is not too happy about this but gets the bright idea that giving Hester a make-over could mean one less donkey face in the sorority and one step closer to getting Chad back.
Chanel #3 and Predatory Lez have a heart-to-heart and you get the feeling she’s a lesbian but the best part is she’s not. She just needs a BFF so she can reveal her secret. And that secret was hilarious because it turns out that Chanel #3 is Charles Manson’s daughter. This automatically means that everyone will assume she is the killer so Chanel #3 forms a pact with Predatory Lez to become ‘Alibi Buddies’. Plus she comes from the Swenson family…a rip-off of Swanson family dinners. #LOVE!
Chanel #3 and her awesome earmuffs are totally moving on up as this entire scene was comedy. Later, we find out that pretty much everyone has slept with Chad which gives Chanel more motive for murdering her fellow sorority girls. And after giving Hester a make-over, Chanel decides it’s time to introduce her sorority sisters to Chanel #6 as Stacey Q’s Two of Hearts plays in the background.
And after hanging out in Chanel’s ‘closet vag’ and giving Hester a make-over, I must admit she is looking great, especially now that the neck brace has been removed.
She even gets to hold back Chanel’s hair on purge nights!
Of course, Chanel #5 is furious about this because pledges should not be Chanel’s. But Oberlin ignores all of this and decides they are going to play a game called ‘Cocaine or Dildo’ but the fun and games abruptly end when Dean Munsch and Gigi show up with Trivial Pursuit ’90s Edition. They are moving into the sorority house for the rest of the week and the reactions were priceless, especially Chanel #5.
Meanwhile, at the frat bro house, Chad explains that it would be impossible for Boone to have killed himself and was likely murdered proving that it doesn’t take a genius to figure this all out. And it’s high time the Dickey Dollar Scholars do something about it. So what do they do? They decide to get ‘roided up, find a bunch of baseball bats and run around the streets yelling the Red Devil’s name until he comes out and fights them because in the ghetto when you run around the streets with baseball bats screaming the Red Devil’s name, they have to come out and fight you. Classic Chad.
Backstreet Boys was also in the mix and I swear this show has officially given these songs a new creepy meaning. Having Backstreet Boys playing the background as not one but TWO red devil’s show up with chainsaws was absolutely epic. I’m definitely a sucker for ’90s nostalgia and might be a little biased here but come on, how could you not like this? It was all-around horror fun and entertaining as hell!
I have no idea why these idiots thought that wooden baseball bats were a good choice of weapon. The two Red Devil’s make short work of our frat boys who end up running away…all except this guy:
He is clearly going to have trouble throwing his hands up in the air and waving them around like he just doesn’t care. Luckily for Chad, he was able to escape with his life. Ultimately, this scene was the highlight of the episode and watching the Whackstreet Boys get attacked with chainsaws was one of greatest, and funniest, things I have seen in a while!
The entire mystery took a backseat for most of this episode but we did get a new lead. Grace goes back to Pete’s place with some new information and she thinks Chad is the killer after finding out that all of the Chanel’s have been sleeping with him. Pete, being the super nerd that he is, has already done some research. He finds a Kappa sister that dropped out with just two credits shy of graduating during the same year the sorority baby was born so obviously they gon’ be investigating.
Denise also confronts Zayday and thinks she’s the killer and the evidence was, well, hilarious. She presents her evidence in exhibit form. First, she knows that Zayday plans on challenging Chanel for Kappa House President, providing a motive to ‘knock out the competition’. Exhibit ‘B’ is a CD from Best Buy…the SAME Best Buy that Shondell worked! Ya, the evidence is a bit weak but it’s also hilarious. Also, the fact that exhibit #4 was a tweet to Shonda Rhimes and her show How To Get Away With Murder was hysterical. Total #cahoots on Zayday. Denise even finds a chainsaw that was a gift from Zayday’s grandma under her bed. I love you Denise Hemphill, keep slaying.
Meanwhile, Wes and Gigi are enjoying a salad date but there’s three of them since Dean Munsch also came along! Gigi’s loving the thousand island jam she’s got going on and her salad totally tastes like a Big Mac but it’s obvious at this point that Dean Munsch is uber pissed about Wes flirting with Gigi. Murder motive, anyone?
They head to bed and in hilarious fashion, Dean Munsch decides that she needs a super loud white noise machine to blast obnoxious whale distress calls to put her to sleep. Gigi is obvs pissed about this but it appears the ‘baboon attack’ and ‘catastrophically depressurized airplane cabin’ settings are not any better so they settle on ‘slasher movie’. I can’t even imagine what else is on that thing…Vuvuzela ensemble from the 2010 World Cup in South Africa? Someone scraping a fork against a plate? Drunk obnoxious white girl at a party? The possibilities are endless.
Gigi can’t sleep with all the slasher movie white noise and heads downstairs to sleep on the couch where she is obviously attacked by the Red Devil. Thankfully, our favorite ’90s chick is saved by Wes at the last minute. So happy they didn’t kill off Gigi. Unfortuntely though, the Red Devil escapes but leaves his chainsaw behind. Dean Munsch, having heard screaming but thinking it was only her white noise machine set to ‘slasher film’, finally comes downstairs to see what is going on and is immediately accused of being the killer which probably means that she is not.
This episode was hysterical. I can’t even decide on whether my favorite part was Coney the mascot or Backstreet’s back or super sleuth Denise Hemphill. There is really nothing bad to say about Scream Queens at this point and it appears to be one of the best new TV shows of the season. The over-the-top comedy works so well, especially because you know how silly horror movies can be. I think totally ripping on the entire genre and using these stereotypical slasher movie characters is the perfect mix. Ultimately, this show knows what it is and embraces it and I can’t wait to find out who the Red Devil is. Scream on, screamers!
It’s actually impossible to not like this show. The premiere was fun but Chainsaw was a blast. I mean…Coney gets sawed in half, the Backstreet Boys played during a red devil chainsaw attack,and everything Denise said and did was pure amazeballs.
I really believe that you have to go into this show with the right attitude. If you are expecting a serious murder mystery than you have come to the wrong place. But if you came for a murder mystery that likes to make fun of itself and the entire horror genre with a great cast of characters and hilarious dialogue than Kappa Kappa Tau is the place for you!
Without a doubt, Mikey liked Chainsaw. We still have no clue who the killers are yet or how this overarching story will end but I’m glad I get to ride this roller coaster of laughs.
So, what did EVERYBODY think of Chainsaw (pun totally indended)? And what did you think of the chainsaw scene with the Backstreet Boys in the background? Let us know in the comments and also, be sure to let us know who you think the Red Devil is. Vote or die, bitch!