The dome days are officially over. CBS has cancelled their greatest comedy to date and I am extremely disappointed. Summer will never be the same again. Last night’s episode, titled Incandescence, offered up one of the funniest episodes to date. We had purple tentacles, dome’s calcifying, a plan to murder the entire town, attempted child murder and ninja-like shadow queen’s with the ability of super speed. It was as if there were absolutely no limits on stupidity this week and man, am I ever going to miss this terribly bad series. I never thought I’d say that but let’s just admit that we only watch this show because it’s like a train wreck that you simply cannot look away from.
With only one more episode remaining until the series finale, Incandescence was the epitome of dumb in every way. Nothing made any sense and murder seems to be everyone’s solution to EVERYTHING in Chester’s Mill. Dome + Calcification = Murder. Cure not working + Joe trying to bring the dome down = Murder. Eavesdropping on a plot to murder the entire town + confronting the person with the plan = Murder. Seriously though, when the dome does come down, and I’m almost positive it will, a lot of these people are gonna be going to prison for a very long time.
There was just so much to make fun of in this episode that I really don’t know where to start but I better hurry up and figure this out or the dome is going to calcify and kill us all. Or I’ll simply be murdered by one of the residents of Chester’s Mill. Enjoy the recap Domies and Dorphans!
Our episode begins with Junior obviously running through the woods for no reason since most of our Domies love the forest and Julia and Barbie having a heart-to-heart in the Prius about Barbie’s new bae. Barbie wants to go back for his new offspring but Julia reminds him that his bae is actually a freakin’ alien.
Meanwhile, Lily tells Big Jim that she’s been spying on the domies and knows all about him going all Ted Bundy on the town. They make a deal and if they can’t resolve this crisis than the only solution is to murder everybody, naturally. Big Jim will only agree to this if Lily erases all the murder evidence she has on him just in case they do get out of the dome. Always good to be prepared.
Barbie and Julia finally decide to head back to the Paper Mill which is now a guns and ammo storage center for a reunion with Norrie, Hunter, Hektor, Lily and Big Jim. I’m not quite sure what happened to Dome Daycare but let’s roll with this.
They devise the dumbest plan ever which involves using a drone to spy on Christine. The other part of this plan is to poison the food supply in an effort to murder all of the infected which Big Jim and Hektor discuss in private. For some reason, Big Jim decides that he’s no longer cool with murdering the entire town and wants to wait for the Dome to come down so they can head off to Timbuk-freakin-tu and let the feds deal with the infected Domies. Great plan, Jimmy!
Of course some random doctor overhears their plan since introducing a new character with only 2 episodes left in the series is a brilliant idea. But she doesn’t last very long because after confronting Hektor, he decides the only solution is murder. Obviously.
So dumb. Meanwhile, after deciding that they weren’t going to go back for the baby, Barbie and Julia do this anyways and find Eva’s dead body. Barbie uses his powers of deduction to determine Eva had been suffocated and even though every person in Chester’s Mill is capable of murder, Julia has to ask who would do such a thing. You were on a roll till you said that, Jules. I guess your brain is not getting enough oxygen now that the dome is calcifying.
Back at the Mill, our trio of computer nerds have just got some very disturbing news on the Internet:
That’s right, Under the Dome has been cancelled and these three are now unemployed. Lily, frustrated with this news, wanders around and eventually finds the doctor’s dead body and is kinda pissed at Hektor. And she’s wondering the same thing we are–why murder is always the best solution in Chester’s Mill?
Day of the Tentacle
Prepare your brain for what is about to come. Christine is a walking quote machine and that is simply not a good thing. She’s hanging out with Sam and the now Calcified dome and along with the new dome baby, a sentence that has no business existing has been born. But wait, there’s more because Christine gives us this beautiful explanation: “It’s the Dome’s dying light. I’m draining what’s left of its energy into the baby. It will hasten the calcification but without the amethyst we have no choice. The new queen has to be cocooned.” Can it get any dumber than that, folks? Yes it can.
This is led by the greatest series of gifs this show has ever offered us. First up, Christine transfers some energy and gets a dome shock.
Then some purple octopus dome tentacle introduces itself to the new Queen of Domes:
At this point all I can think about is my Maniac Mansion-playing days when purple tentacles were totally mainstream:
Guys, this game was amazing. If you haven’t played it, you’re childhood was totally lame. Of course even the story from a 1993 adventure game is significantly better than the writing on this show.
And obviously all of this means that the dome is expiring too fast and if the dome seals up before the queen is ready, the kinship won’t be making it out of Chester’s Mill alive. Dome logic at its absolute best.
Christine and Sam head back to home base where Junior lets them know Aktaion injected him with something that involved Christine’s DNA. She’s totally cool with it though and they come to the conclusion that Barbie is no longer a part of the Kinship. But they all have bigger problems to deal with because some of our domies are having trouble breathing now that the dome has gone into ultra-calcification mode. This obviously leads to another plan involving murder because this is Under the Dumb.
In an effort to save air for the strong and healthy residents, Christine, Junior and Sam believe their next best move is to murder a bunch of people so they can have more air for themselves. Not a good time to be unhealthy or elderly in Chester’s Mill.
I really don’t understand why the solution to everything in this town is murder but this is a land where rationality and intelligence have vanished. And now that the plan is to kill the elderly and the sick, they all decide they’re going swimming…to their deaths, of course.
The Chester’s Mill swim team is really not that great. And with that taken care of, Christine heads back to where she has stashed our Queen of Domes and it now looks like a giant penis of some sort.
Wait, WHAT!? Really, show? I can’t even comprehend this as my brain has exploded for the 1000th time. She obviously sacrifices her life force so the Queen can reign supreme in Chester’s Mill. But then…the most fucked up thing possible happens when Barbie and Julia interrupt this energy transfer.
Seriously, if anyone predicted that the dome’s penis was going to explode and a shadow ninja with the ability of super speed was going to pop out then you are an absolute genius. We probably have a better shot of getting eaten by a shark or winning the lottery than guessing what will happen next on Under the Dome.
After giving her life force up, Christine is back to being normal and once Julia let’s her know that Under the Dome is cancelled, she bursts into tears.
Christine has no idea why she’s even still alive at this point and as soon as she sees the lake, she remembers that she ordered hundreds of people to commit suicide by drowning themselves. Course, things are about to get a lot worse now that Junior’s in charge. Because Junior is bat shit crazy.
One More Time
Joe’s working on his project to break down the dome but it’s not going well. And to make matters worse, he only has 24-hours now that the dome is calcifying. Instead of having all that sex against the dome, Joe should have been working. Norrie is SUCH a distraction. So Joe decides his next move is to play duck-duck-goose with his amethyst rocks.
The pressure is on for Joe which can only mean that Norrie is going to show up to distract him and that was exactly what happened.
They totally should have started playing some Daft Punk in the background for this one.
Joe and Norrie are totally in love but somehow resist their urge to have sex against the dome, possibly because Joe has finally run out of his large supply of condoms. Norrie eventually decides that he should probably keep working on his project and heads back to the Paper Mill, but not before a quick make-out session with Joey.
Once she gets back to the Mill, she ends up finding Lily, who has been gagged and tied up by Hektor. She tells them about Hektor’s plan to murder Joe so Lily gets on the ole walkie to get a hold of Big Jim, who is obviously preparing for the future by stealing a bunch of money. She tells him about Hektor’s new obsession with murder so Big Jim does what Big Jim does best:
That’s right…it’s hunting time. Sadly the best actor on this show, Indy, is not allowed to come with him. Sad face.
I totally want to adopt Indy…best dog ever! And really, the best thing on this show!
While all that was going on, Joe finds exactly what he needs in the form of a transmitter and I freely admit that I have no clue what his plan is to bring down the dome but I certainly know that it’s going to make no sense whatsoever. Unfortunately, the Aktaion dudes show up and open fire on pretty much anything that is alive. Joe is forced to go into hiding but lucky for him he’s dating the baddest bitch in town ever since she tried out murder. Yup, that’s right…Norrie saves the day and is officially loving her new hobby.
Then Hektor shows up and he has also realized that he loves murder too but before he can do anything, Big Jim shows up and murders Hektor. Yup, everyone murders everyone in Chester’s Mill. That’s how they roll.
Big Jim, the king of murder in Chester’s Mill, ends up putting a bullet in Hektor and that is pretty much the end of that. Thank freakin’ God.
Children of the Dome
Junior catches up with Sam at Lake Dome and he must not be too happy that Sam didn’t listen to him earlier when he put him on babysitting duty. He arrives with a line of children and it’s obvious at this point that he wants to drown these kids. Yup, that’s right…since there is still not enough oxygen getting into the dome it’s time to take murder to a whole new level on this show. I swear in the last two episodes there has been over 100 people dead and now they want to drown a bunch of children. I guess it was only a matter of time before child murder became totally cool in Chester’s Mill and obviously every single person outside of the dome disapproves.
Not even Sam approves of this but has no choice but to let Junior take the future of Chester’s Mill off to their deaths. Luckily for all of us, Christine shows up and pretends she’s still in charge. She tells Junior that this is bat shit crazy, which it is, and has the children marched back to home base but not before taking a quick dip in the lake.
Swimming is clearly the most popular leisure activity in Chester’s Mill as we have seen a lot of it throughout the seasons. Remember that time Maxine’s mom did a cannonball off a boat even though she was tied up back in Season 1. Some things never change.
After saving the little girl, Junior attacks Christine after finally realizing that she’s obviously human again. Of course, not until Barbie and Julia jump into the mix. They fight it out and luckily Julia has a freakin’ tire iron with her and she finally takes revenge on Junior for punching her in the back of the head earlier this season.
After bashing Junior’s skull with a tire iron they head back to the paper mill with Christine who is now totally on their side. Barbie is feeling all guilty about the whole ‘trying to murder Julia’ thing but she doesn’t mind because she loves dating a killer, even if that means she’s the victim.
And finally, Christine decides that it’s time for a nap but not before she is interrupted by the new Queen of Domes aka Shadow Ninja aka Eva with a new haircut.
The new queen takes Christine straight to the calcified dome and proceeds to throw her into it, possibly to finish what Christine had started earlier.
And Christine somehow melts into the dome and becomes a part of it which I’m pretty sure also means certain death. Talk about one of the most fucked up hours of television I have ever witnessed. With only ONE episode left, I can easily say that I have no clue how this is going to end because I have better odds of getting struck by lightning twice than predicting what could possibly happen on this show. At least we know this: the dome days are over as of next week. Thanks for reading Domies.
Well, I don’t even really know what to say. I can assure you that I was thoroughly entertained throughout this episode but for all the wrong reasons. I mean, dome tentacles and shadow ninja’s. Eva’s new haircut. Christine becoming part of the dome. Indy the dog being left on the sidelines. Junior getting smoked with a tire iron. Attempted child murder. I swear my new goal in life is to spend a day in the Under the Dome writer’s room because I need to know what goes on in there.
Still though, for a show that had so much potential, this is just a complete dome-saster. With our series finale now only a week away, it looks like only one question remains because I honestly don’t care about anything else at this point. Will the Dome finally come down or will it calcify and kill every single person in Chester’s Mill? I am hoping for the latter here so we can have an appropriate ending to what is quite possibly the dumbest community on the planet.
So what did you think of Incandescence? Did it make your brain explode? We want to hear from you in the comments, so let us know what you thought.
And get ready for the SERIES FINALE of Under the Dome next week, titled The Enemy Within. I’m not gonna lie, I was really hoping for a Season 4. I mean, who am I going to make fun of now? Any suggestions? I’m all ears. But ya, it’s happening Domies…the dome is finally coming down next week and I cannot wait to laugh my face off! Check out the promo below: