The Dome Files
Well…that couldn’t have ended sooner. I am literally speechless after watching last night’s episode of Under the Dome, simply titled Legacy, and I can pretty much guarantee there will be no legacy left behind for this series. In fact, it is quite possible that everyone involved with this hot dome mess will never work again.
Somehow, I have 10,000 more questions after this disaster. We learned absolutely nothing about these Dome aliens! I mean, where did they come from in the first place? Instead we find out that some dude named Hektor and his buddy’s daughter Lily are trying to provide everyone with a cure and the dome was only a side effect of some other random named Patrick who touched the egg. That is dome-a-licious, isn’t it Domies? Oh wait, nope…it’s not. Dumb-a-licious is more appropriate.
Legacy was like a doughnut sprinkled with stupidity from start to finish with lots of cool special effects and make-out sessions. I’ve been re-reading the books and seriously, this show hasn’t even made an attempt to stay true to the story. I would have thought they would have at least made some references to the awesome Stephen King novel, but it has become clear that the writer’s are either trapped under a dome themselves or have simply given up on life.
Get ready for fun including the murder of dome virgins, potential conjugal visit sex, shape-shifting aliens, infections cured by emotion and Eva’s boobs. Enjoy the recap Domies!
Grand Theft Dome
Finally another week has passed and it’s Week 4 trapped under a dome but it didn’t matter because Week 4 started off with pure and utter stupidity. The two main reasons this episode sucked: first, Big Jim and Julia split up and second, there was not enough Big Jim one-liners. Also, I hate Jarbie. Thank you Internet for coming up with that one. Of course, Barbie and Julia continue to chitchat in the forest even though they should probably be heading over to the ole funeral home to save the resistance who are under attack.
Luckily, Big Jim is with the resistance and he brought lots of guns.
Norrie has no clue how to use a gun so it looks like it all comes down to Big Jim. And it’s not looking good as they are being swarmed by the Kinship who decided to bring some Molotov cocktails. Luckily though, they are saved by random gunfire which came from some other direction. Also, this guy definitely thinks he’s playing some GTA:
Dude got wasted big time! But by who? Well, Aktaion of course. They decided to head under the dome led by the guy that Hunter, our resident computer geek and newly turned cripple, was creepin’ on Facebook. He also called him a muppet so let’s stick with that:
Also, if these idiots keep lighting everything on fire, I’m pretty sure THAT will be the reason they all suffocate, not because the dome is calcifying. And no, I cannot believe I typed that. Joe, Norrie and Hunter are taken to a safe house, which looks more like a kindergarten classroom. Hektor wants to see the doc but as we know, Big Jim murdered him. Naturally, he isn’t going to let Aktaion know this so he goes along with it but not before being disarmed. And we all know how cranky Jimmy gets when he doesn’t have his guns.
Meanwhile, Barbie and Julia are still talking away, even though I’m pretty sure they would have heard all of those gunshots at the funeral home so I’m just gonna roll with this. When they finally get back, Julia feels like a moron when she sees that it’s too late but decides she doesn’t really care that much after all. As long as she’s got her favorite murderer back.
Your friends could all be dead so this is what Jarbie decides to do? Really? So dumb. She sends Barbie on his way and makes a note of this:
Wait, what!? Is that supposed to be a drawing of some weird alien sex toy? Is it a baby bottle, possibly to feed the new dome queen? Or maybe Big Jim just needed to get a message that he needs more alcohol? Nope, it was a message from Norrie, letting Julia know where they were taken. How she figured this out from this graffiti, I have no idea.
On the other side of town, Joe’s still locked up in some makeshift prison and apparently they have now figured out what those so-called schematics are for. If you guessed that it’s some way to bring the dome down, then you would be absolutely correct and possibly just as dumb as the residents of Chester’s Mill. Sam and Junior want Joe to join the Kinship, but Joe pulls out his best insult yet by calling Sam a “backstabbing ass.” Worst dialogue ever. This doesn’t sit well with Junior who then proceeds to kick the crap out of Joe.
Oh man, that was so bad. He even stomps on Joe which probably should have killed him but this is Under the Dome, so obviously Joe doesn’t even have a scratch on him. If that wasn’t bad enough, Norrie is busy learning how to shoot a gun with some other random from Aktaion and it was the worst. She lets him know she’s got it but then proceeds to ask the guy what to do? It’s a gun Norrie…aim and shoot! Of course, the guy doesn’t let her and basically says that murder is bad and she should never commit it. But this is Norrie, who now has no parental supervision whatsoever, and she is definitely not going to take his advice because murder is so fucking cool in Chester’s Mill. #DomeLogic
Later on, Junior comes back with Barbie so they can convince Joe to take down the dome since he is supposedly the only smart character on the show. Barbie convinces Joe that he’s normal again but what he really wants to know is whether the dome is calcifying. They conclude that Joe must build this “thing”, whatever it is, and all will be saved but Joe will likely be killed once the Kinship runs out of uses for him. Lucky you, Joe…even if you’re probably the only one with a reason to live under the dome, death is definitely the better option. Just ask Linda, Angie, Benny and Carolyn. I miss them all 😦
We learned a lot more about the dome and the egg but if you expected it to make any sense, shame on you because it definitely didn’t. So you’ll remember that Aktaion sent Christine on an Easter Egg hunt in Alaska and she ended up turning into an alien. Somehow, the egg is now broken and a guy named Patrick is attempting to “put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” And this is the result:
That is one fine looking egg! Now…get ready because there are going to be a lot of sentences coming your way that will possibly make your brain explode due to the fact that they should never exist so here we go! The egg, once put back together, starts glowing and going crazy, just like it did back in Season 1. Then, obviously, Patrick proceeds to TAKE HIS MASK OFF and touch the egg, only to get zapped in epic fashion.
Yup, that happened. Looks like Pat’s going to become a dome alien now. And OMG, remember that time back in Season 1 when Linda did the exact same thing but didn’t get infected whatsoever? Or all those times the teens touched the egg and also didn’t get infected? I guess the only explanation that I can come up with is that common sense, logic, rational thought and science disappeared when the dome came down.
It amazes me that of all the people in the world to choose from, these dome aliens somehow decided on Chester’s Mill…the dumbest place on planet earth. Even Big Jim let’s Hektor know what he thinks about Patrick:
I guess once you touch the egg, you become an alien but I still don’t get why this didn’t happen to anyone else back in Season 1 when they couldn’t stop playing hot potato with that pink egg! The only thing that could possibly make sense…and believe me it still doesn’t make any sense at all…is that because they were under the dome, this prevented them from being infected. Yet, the entire town is now infected after taking a vacation to the alternate reality. My brain hurts.
But wait, there’s more! Patrick has now turned into a lunatic, just like our old friend Lyle, and he starts preaching about those pink stars falling in lines. He also rambles on about how once the queen is born, the war will begin. Does this mean we are actually in store for some type of crazy alien invasion? I’m guessing not because that would be too awesome which this show is not.
This all seems like it happened a long ass time ago, but Hunter is doing some digging in typical computer geek fashion.
He finds a video of Patrick, who is still imprisoned outside of the Dome as of 4 days ago. So this all happened very recently and what it means for our Domies…no one knows.
At least it was super cool when we got to see Patrick changing forms. I would love to see more of these alien creatures in the future but that is probably wishful thinking.
Snap Into A Big Jim
Back at home base, which is now a preschool…yup, we went from funeral home to kindergarten cop:
It looks like they have a so-called cure to this so-called ‘infection’ that has been spreading all over Chester’s Mill. The serum is a simple recipe involving pee in a cup infused with Christine’s DNA.
I’m not even going to question this because what’s the point. Luckily, Julia is reunited with Big Jim and so is Indy, who has some bruises after being kicked in the face by Barbie, that animal-abusing jerk!
Julia has a bunch of guns pointed at her but she’s so excited that football is back, she’s signalling for a touchdown!
In reality, however, there are flags on the play for the infraction of being really dumb. Big Jim lets everyone know that Raggedy Anne is on their side and they fill her in on the infection. Julia believes that the egg under the dome was completely different and doesn’t work the same way as it did on Patrick and Christine. Julia’s on a roll as once again she is probably right given the fact that everyone has touched the pink egg under the dome and no one got infected from it. The play was reversed…TOUCHDOWN Julia!
Then she meets up with Barbie, who wants to check up on Eva and his new daughter aka the Queen of Domes. Barbie assures her that this 3-week relationship with Julia is totally back on and she has nothing to worry about. Still…Julia worries because Julia is a jealous bitch.
Big Jim, on the other hand, is still dealing with Aktaion and he starts by creeping up on Hektor. He’s also looking pretty pissed, possibly because we haven’t seen him chugging alcohol in a while:
Big Jim lets Hektor know that he’s seen the footage of Christine finding the original egg and Hektor is apparently the one who is responsible for bringing the dome down but even he doesn’t know how that happened. Jimmy informs Hektor that said dome is going “hasta la vista” and makes a deal with him. He’ll get a DNA sample from Christine so they can complete the formula and all Hektor has to do is cure the town. Something smells fishy here…no wait, it just smells like dumb.
Meanwhile, back in prison, Joe is eating Spicy Street Taco Doritos…
…and isolating frequencies in an attempt to find a way to bring down the dome, but he also wanted to get Sam out of the room so he can spend some quality time with his girlfriend.
I’ve also decided to include this clip from The Simpsons where Todd Flanders says it best:
Joe is on a total roll with Norrie. After having sex against the dome with his giant collection of condoms, he is even finding ways to get some action in prison. Way to go, Joe!
With no parental sueprvision in sight, it’s only a matter of time before Norrie becomes a teen mom. Let’s just hope this never happens and, if it does, that it’s nothing like Eva’s pregnancy.
The Queen of Domes
Eva is hanging out in some barn where she is preparing to give birth to the new Queen of the Domes. But first, she must sacrifice a bunch of dome virgins to speed up the pregnancy because this is a thing on this show. So she shines some purple light, possibly out of her boobs, and away we go.
Barbie heads over to the barn where the mother of his child is chillaxin’ and he’s none to happy about his bae being born in a barn.
When he breaks in, he finds Eva and she is super pregnant all of a sudden. Is it just me or does Eva’s pregnant tummy look super deformed? I mean, I’m not expert on child birth but in all seriousness, her shirt looked like it was stuffed with a bunch of irregular shaped fruit. I swear I saw a pineapple sticking out of there!
It looks like the Queen of Domes will be arriving a lot sooner than we anticipated. She’ll probably look something like this:
And this will likely be the ONLY possible time in life that this is an appropriate thing to do, so why doesn’t Barbie just dropkick Eva in the stomach? It’s pretty obvious that if the Queen of Domes is born, there’s going to be a war…so it appears that aborting the queen might be the only smart thing to do here. Of course, the word smart is not in anyone’s vocabulary in Chester’s Mill.
Jealous Julia obviously shows up at the barn as well, worrying that Barbie is making more Barbie’s with Eva until she stumbles onto this mass grave of Dome Virgins:
On Thursday’s we wear white I guess. So it looks as though Eva’s baby was able to grow significantly quicker by munching on the brains of dome virgins…or something along those lines. Julia is then confronted by Harriett…the most pointless character to ever grace this series and she is quickly taken care of by Sniper Norrie who obviously didn’t take that military dudes advice about how killing people can change a person.
Shooting Harriett in the forehead at point blank range when she posed no real threat was probably not the right decision, but this is Chester’s Mill where murder is totally cool. And to top things off, Julia sees Barbie kiss Eva and literally looks like she’s going to go postal.
There you have it Domies. What did you think of Legacy? Let us know in the comments. For me, It certainly left a legacy but for all the wrong reasons. The words dumb, idiotic and nonsense come to mind.
Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES IT, YOU BACKSTABBING ASS!
Ugh. This show makes me mad. If the people in charge had put Mikey as the head writer, I guarantee this show would have been great. Instead…this. Harriet is dead and no one cares. Eva is pregnant in one day…and no one cares. Some random put Humpty Dumpty back together again and was infected for his troubles…and I certainly didn’t care. Nothing makes any sense! It is literally an hour of just making stuff up on the fly. So hopefully an alien invasion IS coming and the world will end after all. Fingers crossed because that is the only thing that could potentially save this disaster.
And so many questions! Will Joe be able to build the device that will take down the dome or will be to distracted by Norrie and dome sex? Will those weird particle alien things invade Earth or have we gotten our hopes up for nothing? Is Julia going to go postal on the entire town after seeing Barbie kiss Eva? When will Big Jim get his hands on another bottle of alcohol? Why did the writers have to introduce us to Lily and Hektor…the two worst characters ever? Is Patrick still alive and where in the fuck is Christine? Will they be able to cure the dumbness that is under the dome? Will the residents of Chester’s Mill ever be able to eat eggs for breakfast again? Is Norrie now a stone cold killer? You’re likely never to find out if you keep watching Under the Dome!
One last thing, if you’re enjoying these recaps, please follow us on Twitter or Facebook or both, it would mean a lot. Thanks Domies!
If there is a Season 4, my head will literally explode. And so will yours. Check out the promo for Love Is A Battlefield below. That title alone makes me want to vomit as if I was going through a massive Oxycontin withdrawal (and that’s a book reference for any readers out there). Maybe we’ll get that alien invasion after all based on the promo…but I still doubt it. Thanks for reading Domies!