Under the Dome: ‘Caged’ Review


Steel Cage Match

Steel Cage Match

OMG the most important mystery has finally been solved. I seriously don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I mean, so far this season Joe got laid and CAROLINE is back! Caged also revealed how the dome and the mini-dome came to be. What more can I possibly ask for?

When Caroline showed up though, that was one for the ages. So I guess the only thing really worth figuring out at this point is with respect to the new Dome cult that apparently all began when Melanie put the egg on the cocoon (yup, that sentence definitely just happened). Why is it pretty much effecting everyone except Joe, Norrie, Sam and Barbie? Will we ever get a real answer? Probably not because…you dumb, show!

Regardless, time to crank up some Sweet Caroline and enjoy the recap because our favorite deadbeat mom is back!

Mother / Daughter Time

Julia heads over to Camp Dome, which has now been renamed Camp Cult, and finds the residents of Chester’s Mill whistling some creepy tune.

Camp Cult

Yup, apparently Charles Manson and Jim Jones have found their way under the dome and Domestown is now a thing.

Domestown and Koolaid Guy

Julia’s all like WTF since she was never in one of those cocoons and, therefore, was never brainwashed. So off she goes to do some investigating while Team Cult continues to whistle creepily in the background. Ermagerd!

Julia ends up finding some diagram which appears to have been drawn up by Mama Rennie. Anyone else miss her amazing art pieces? Well no worries because apparently she drew this:

Can we please hire a real artist?

Seriously, show? What the fuck is this? Seriously? I am looking at it and I am dumbfounded. Are these plans for a new amusement park ride called The Domenado? Is it a map to irregular shaped buildings? Is it just a really bad drawing? Who in the hell knows…I sure don’t.

Junior, Barbie and Eva end up interrupting Julia who immediately hides behind a wall and we find out that Barbie, Joe and Norrie are very close to completing their “journey” but keep resisting. Dumbest explanation ever. Also, Eva suggests to Junior that they have to put down Hunter if he’s paralyzed. Not a good day to be a paraplegic under the dome.

Joe and Norrie are now locked up in a room, possibly so they can have more sex, but unfortunately for them they’re interrupted by none other than:

"I'm back, bitches"

OMFG, IT’S CAROLINE! The look on my face when Caroline walked through the door was priceless. Kind of like this:

ZOMG

So she is finally BACK and it looks like Norrie and Joe are about to get some parenting. But wait, this is Under the Dome so Caroline is actually brainwashed like the rest of the town and wants to find an X-Ray machine to see if Hunter is actually paralyzed fo’ real instead of being a mom.

Norrie asks Caroline if she knew that her and Joe were locked up all night which she obviously did since she is the worst parent ever! So Norrie and Caroline head out to get the X-Ray machine while Joe tries to help with the solar panels but is clearly not cut out for this line of work:

Dominos

Way to go Joe! You had ONE job! This obviously infuriates Junior who has plans to punish Joe since Caroline refuses to do it. So Julia tries to interfere but literally gets punched in the back of the head for trying to intervene.

Junior smashes Julia in back of head

Yup, apparently punching women in the back of the head is totally cool in Chester’s Mill. Junior locks her up and everyone is now waiting on Christine. Dumbest cult ever.

So after Caroline takes off yet again, Joe and Norrie decide that, instead of having sex against the dome, they’re going to bust Julia out. So they beat up some random guy…

Teenragers

…and save the day. Not sure how that dude is going to explain to Junior that he was beat down by a couple of teenagers. Julia says she needs to get to Bird Island before Barbie does something stupid and off we go on another dumb adventure.

Dome: Origins

Meanwhile, after leaving Big Jim in a cage last week, the military folk already decided to let him out for some reason so they can show him some dome science. It was finally revealed how the dome, and mini-dome, came to be and to be quite frank, it was pretty dumb. You ready for this? Christine found the egg, was turned into a dome alien, swarmed by monarch butterflies which then led to the dome coming down over Chester’s Mill and the mini-dome also coming down over the egg. You’re probably thinking at this point that there’s no way that’s what happened! There must be a better explanation! But I say…see for yourself:

The Dome is Born

So where exactly did this egg come from…I’m sure we will never find out! Also, the doctor’s mouse:

Check out my sick mouse.

Hook me up with that piece of technology I say! But apparently they also have Christine locked up after Julia brought her to these scientists and the doc wants Big Jim to find out exactly what Christine is and what she wants. Obviously Big Jim refuses so the doc threatens to infect him with whatever is inside Christine. Yup, that happened.

Big Jim offers Christine some water in the most hilarious way possible but it’s clear only Christine’s body needs the water and not the dome alien inside of her.

Watered Down

Christine thinks Junior and the rest of her cult will come for her but Big Jim is having none of it. He hates human beings and, as he says, “dogs are a real good judge of character.” Also, that dog is the best actor on this show.

Big Jim and Christine continue there chat and I actually quite enjoyed this dialogue. A miracle, I know. Christine is trying to make Big Jim feel guilty but it’s not working. Christine seems to think she has solved everyone’s problems but Big Jim is having none of it. Great advice by Big Jim though: always cover your own ass! Of course, he hasn’t learned much from Christine and so the doc puts an end to the interrogation in the most unnecessary way possible.

Big Jim smoked out of room.

Yup, still no signs of logic or intelligence under this dome! When Big Jim awakes, he obviously is wondering why they did that, as we all are. So Big Jim gets punched in the face so they can make it look like they have imprisoned him as well but not before he requests taking the lid of a metal can with him so he can pick the lock. I seriously cannot make this stuff up.

So back in prison, Jim and Christine continue to have a conversation about what exactly these Dome aliens are and we find out that their plan is to take the dome down eventually. It was also revealed that the concepts of me, ego and self vanished but I’m pretty sure those things were all missing prior to being holed up in a cocoon. These dome aliens apparently want the same thing any living organism wants…to live and to flourish and to cancel Under the Dome.

So the doc and his crew come back to interrupt them and he tells Big Jim he’s staying in prison but Jimmy is having none of it and pulls a Jack Bauer.

Big Jim pulls a Jack Bauer

Yup, that’s right. He ends up slitting the doc’s throat with the lid from that metal can! And officially Big Jim is the fucking man! He leaves Christine in her cell and off he goes into the woods to find Indy the dog who is also my new favorite character.

Hunter Becomes The Hunted

Back at Camp Cult, Norrie and Caroline finally bring the X-Ray machine to Hunter and all of a sudden everyone shows up only to get kicked out by Junior. Joe says it best when he says he doesn’t know what is going on…and either do I.

Sam, apparently now a doctor or an X-Ray technician, runs the scan and the results are not good for Hunter. Even if he was outside the dome, walking will not be in his future. Sam also takes note of the pills which happen to be the same pills he found on Abbie. And for whatever reason, Sam seems to be resisting this cult thing as well.

Sam the X-Ray Man

Eva gets some alone time with Hunter and she basically tells him that he would use up all of the Kinship’s resources now that he’s a cripple so Hunter, obviously brainwashed, decides that murdering himself is the right thing to do. Can this get any dumber?

Eva also has a talk with Julia and tells her to get her shit together or they’ll have to murder her too. And since Julia wasn’t in the cocoons, there is no way she can ever be a part of the kinship. Also, polygamy is a thing now because if she was one of them then Julia, Eva and Barbie could live happily ever after. Um, ok…let’s roll with that.

So Eva finally puts her plan in motion to put Hunter down but she is stopped by our two teenragers who completely kick the shit out of her.

Pins and Needles

Oh and can someone please explain to me how Joe and Norrie are able to kick the crap out of these adults. Eva can’t be that sucky at fighting, can she?

Norrie beats up Eva

Just terrible. Norrie and Joe then take crippled Hunter into seclusion and it’s pretty clear that Norrie’s sole purpose in life is ruining Hunter’s. I mean, first she makes out with him, then rejects him and sleeps with Joe against the dome, then she throws him off a roof for being a creep and now she prevents him from fulfilling his destiny. And even with Caroline back in the picture, there is still no parenting in sight. At least Joe’s got lots of condoms, right?

Grand Sam

Meanwhile, Barbie and Eva are miraculously still together even though Eva is still hiding the fact that she’s a dome alien. I hope Barbie never requests sex in front of a mirror.

"I don't look so hot."

Eva explains to Barbie that her and Christine work for Aktion and they had found the egg in one of the meteors that hit the Earth 25 years ago. So we know how the dome got there and that the egg came from some meteorite, possibly from some other planet.

Barbie then heads off to Bird Island to break out Christine which he does so pretty easily since Big Jim already took care of business with his metal can lid. They head through the woods and Christine explains she was hired by Aktion to locate the egg and that when she made contact with the egg, it triggered the dumb. As soon as she found that egg, the dome came down and every single person trapped under it became an idiot. Especially Linda! Remember Linda? I miss her.

Of course, they’re confronted by Julia who has a gun but she is clearly not going to shoot Barbie since she still loves him.

"Clearly, I'm not going to use this."

So Barbie easily gets her to put the gun down and all I can do is facepalm myself at how dumb Julia is.

Hugs. Yoink.

How are you THAT dumb Julia? She tells Barbie everything about Eva and Christine, including the fact that Christine is now an alien, and Barbie thinks she is bat shit crazy which she is for putting the gun down.

Barbie totally thinks Julia is just being a jealous bitch but, surprise, Julia is actually right again for the second straight episode! Whoa!

So Christine is finally back with her cult of idiots but not before telling Eva to hurry up and put a baby inside of herself with Barbie’s penis. But then, she’s confronted by a now sober Sam. Come on…how can you only be the town drunk for like 2 episodes? Boo! But Sam is pissed about Abbie still and so he leads Christine on until he stabs her.

Under the Knife

Of course, this doesn’t kill her and Junior finds her and takes her back to Cocoon Cavern for some healing. She also wants Junior to bring her Sam so here we go…yet another story involving Junior going after someone which is bound to be full of dumb.

Alternative Medicine

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY HALF LIKES IT

I cannot even believe I am going to say this but this episode was half decent. There I said it. Maybe the dome has brainwashed me? Maybe I’ve finally lost all of my brain cells from watching this show. But I was fairly entertained by this episode, especially when Caroline came back to do some parenting. So I guess this episode pretty much answered everything…we now know where the dome came from, although it was a pretty lame explanation. We also know that Caroline is the worst mother this side of the dome. Will she actually be back for more episodes or is she about to go on another 6-8 week hiatus? How do grown adults keep getting beat down by teenagers? Why are Joe, Norrie, Barbie and Sam not infected yet? Why can’t Julia let Barbie go? Will there be a season 4? Have we all lost our minds for watching this? Questions abound and I already know the answers will make little to no sense to stay tuned for more Under the Dumb.

Lastly, check out the promo for next week’s ridiculous hour of television, titled Ejecta, where things are really going to get out of hand. I have to admit, I am looking forward to this episode as it appears that some meteorites are about to destroy the entire planet minus whatever is under the dome! Yup…this show is fucked. Enjoy!

 

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One response

  1. OMG! You seriously make me LMAO! You are fuckin hilarious!

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