Under the Dome: ‘The Kinship’ Review


Dumb and Dumber

Journey to the Center of the Dumb

Dome on! What in the hell did we just witness? That was quite possibly the dumbest hour of television I have ever had to sit through…which makes me wonder how this show is ever going to make it to a 4th season. If it does, the laws of EVERYTHING will break and shame on us all for watching this show. I’m starting to feel as though these dome aliens are real and have sent this show to us to ensure we’re all brain dead before they take over the planet.

Normally, a show is suppose to improve in quality as the seasons roll on…but in the case of Under the Dome, we have officially just witnessed the WORST episode of the series and, quite possibly, in television history.

As per usual, more sentences we didn’t think could possibly exist are abound. So what are you waiting for? Join the Kinship, sniff some permanent black markers since we cannot possibly become any more brain dead after watching this, and enjoy the recap!

The Dumbest Episode In The World

"Where's the liquor?"

Our episode begins with more spying. Big Jim gets out his trusty binoculars and decides to check in on Camp Dome where Junior and Christine are enjoying camp life. But before he can get any real info, he’s kidnapped by some randoms.

Domenapped

They end up taking him to some strange room where they inject him with something because he’s infected, possibly because of the egg. What the fuck show. Also, the military dude from last season is back so maybe we’ll get some answers about all of this…but probably not. So it looks like they are going to make Big Jim watch every episode of Under the Dome and he is not impressed:

"Nooooooooo!"

Apparently these guys want the egg and think Big Jim knows where to find it. And after threatening Big Jim with endless hours of torture, Big Jim somehow turns the tables on Malik and is gonna make him watch this show instead:

Your Turn To Watch

Big Jim tries to escape by using Malik as leverage but this weird creepy doctor dude ends up having Malik killed instead since the egg is way more important. So they just let Big Jim go since there’s no point in killing him cus, you know, he’s the only way they’re going to find this egg. And while Big Jim heads off on his new quest to find more liquor, he is confronted by Julia who clearly had nothing to live for after Barbie got in her face (more on that later). So obvs Julia is going to team up with Big Jim now as she ends up shooting the guy that was tailing Jimmy. Yup…this was the dumbest hour of television I have ever watched.

Oh and that’s not even the end of it. This whole episode was about people having sex against the dome…including Junior who ends up getting it on with Christine in the room with all the cocoons! And if you didn’t guess…

Brain Dead

…she’s an alien. Obviously. So that was how the episode ended and it took a whole lot of ridiculousness just to get to that point. Let’s be honest here, the writers of this show are going to have to leave Under the Dome off of their resumes or they will never work again. Just saying. Now for the fun stuff…

A Series of Unfortunate and Dumb Events

Obviously this wouldn’t be Under the Dome without a random fire in camp. And much like the Reverend from Season 1, Barbie decides that this is the best way to put out a massive tent fire:

how-to-put-out-a-fire

Pretty sure throwing that blanket at the fire is not going to do anything Barbie. But it’s all good because apparently Junior and Christine are building dorms under the dome. Yup, that’s happening.

Julia also confronts Christine with some random piece of paper which turns out to be her University of Zenith ID badge.

"WTF is this?"

Also, apparently food is going to be an issue yet AGAIN, so Barbie and Eva head off to some random silos to find some food, where Barbie almost falls off because this show has officially run out of ideas.

Just Jump, Idiot

And it doesn’t even appear like that fall would have even INJURED Barbie, I mean he’s barely that far off the ground. Seriously, these writers are the WORST.

So after all this happened, Barbie and Julia get into a big fight since Julia’s all jealous of Eva and Barbie loses his shit and punches a hole in the wall.

"Bitch, I don't want to be on this show either"

So now that Julia is all in Barbie’s business, he heads back off to Eva since she isn’t constantly yelling and bickering at him. They decide to check if Eva is still pregnant which she is obviously not since that all happened while they were in the matrix (yep that’s what they’re calling the alternate reality now).

So it looks like Julia is out (and now with Big Jim) and Eva is in. I said it once and I’ll say it again…Dumbest. Episode. Ever.

Norrie 2.0

Like some kind of new version of software, Norrie has apparently upgraded herself to 2.0 but she is still unwilling to strip down and get it on against the Dome…even with Hunter.

Water's Warm

Of course, after Joe finds them making out, he’s pissed right off and who can blame him. His quest to get laid has clearly had some major setbacks now that Norrie is getting it on with Hunter.

"Even though we were never dating, we're done"

So Joe runs off to cry about the whole under the dome, not under the dome thing and Christine meets up with him for a quick therapy session. Joe’s all upset about Norrie and Angie but Christine is there to help him out in the most creepy way imaginable:

Therapy?

Meanwhile, Sam checks in on some random woman named Abbie and she is apparently drunk as fuck and in the middle of hanging herself.

Dome Suicide Attempt

And even after Sam saves her life, he can’t save her from the liquor. I get the feeling that Abbie and Big Jim would get along just swimmingly.

I Am The Liquor

So after all this happens, Sam and Abbie get it on and Sam ends up missing his meeting with Joe. Now, this next string of sentences will probably make no sense but, honestly, this is what actually happened and I cannot make this shit up. Norrie and Hunter get in a huge fight because Norrie thinks all he wants is sex…so she runs off back to Joe and throws her standard Norrie 1.0 hissy fit, the one thing Joe absolutely loves about her. So Norrie takes him back right away and, even though she didn’t want to have sex with Hunter, she now wants to have sex with Joe…who has a SHIT TON of condoms.

Condoms? I got a ton of those.

OMG JOE IS GONNA GET LAID AGAINST THE DOME!!!! FINALLY! Mission accomplished in the dumbest way imaginable! With Joe completing his quest, there is only one question left to ask: Where is Norrie’s mom, Caroline?

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES IT

Dome Dorms, random suicide attempts, trying to put out fires with a small blanket, falling off of a silo that is like 5 ft off the ground, Joe’s unlimited supply of condoms…this episode was the epitome of dumb. I don’t even know how I can keep watching it, especially now that Joe has completed his quest to get laid. There are still NINE episodes left, what else could possibly happen? Maybe these aliens are, in fact, real and have sent this show to Earth to ensure we’re all completely brain dead before they invade our planet.

And if it’s even possible to watch this show after this episode, here’s the preview for next week, where apparently Christine is going to get all evil on our domies. Sigh. Check it out below:

 

Advertisements

2 responses

  1. you still come up with the best UtD reviews on the net. I get so winded laughing while reading them, almost as hard as I laughed when Barbie said “I hope it takes us home and not to an alternate reality” out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE in the first episode. That should have been a sign to stay away, but apparently I’m a sucker for self-inflicted pain. These reviews make it better though. Can’t wait to read the others!

    1. 🙂 thanks for the awesome compliment! I love reviewing this show…it was the show that started this blog so ill always have a soft spot for the dome. Please share with as many people as possible 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: