“Dear Diary, I’ve heard Ms. Elsa say on many an occassion that her freaks are the bravest, most honest people on Earth. These last nightmarish months have revealed the powerful, unexpected truth in those words. With every reason to hide themselves away, bitter and self-pitying, they do the opposite. They are in fact the most joyous people on Earth. The reason: they believe in absolute pleasure. The very thing we’ve been taught to deny ourselves our whole lives. ” -Dot
Neil Patrick Harris made his American Horror Story debut on tonight’s episode, titled Magical Thinking, and I welcome him with open arms. And, to make things even more amazing, Jamie Brewer returned to play his ventriloquist dummy come to life! And boy, these two were definitely insane! I had no idea what to expect, how these two were going to be introduced or what was going to happen but I was quite happy with the way it all played out. Plus, Marjorie the doll is absolutely terrifying! Jamie Brewer once again crushed it with a hammer.
Now before we get started, let’s take a look at noteworthy creepy dolls:
So ya, pretty creepy dolls. But mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the creepiest doll of all? Oh right, this one:
All Hands On Deck
Our episode begins with a quick flashback to two days prior with Jimmy Darling still wrongfully locked up over the Tupperware Party Massacre. Sleazy Stanley is up to his old tricks as well and has a great idea on how to raise the funds and we all know this is not going to end well for Jimmy. Stanley finally gets right to the point and tells Jimmy that he should let him cut off his left hand so he can get a good lawyer, if there is such a thing which there is not. Bad ideas all around. And Stanley offers him a drink to set the plan in motion.
Jimmy is in big trouble cus he’s in Stanley’s hands now. Not a good time to be a freak in Jupiter or pretty much anywhere for that matter. So Jimmy is taken somewhere by Stanley and his fake ambulance driver and Jimmy gives us all a new meaning to the phrase Hand-Me-Down.
Stanley be loving his new HAND-me-downs which I’m sure he exchanged for some cash money. I swear this was a scene straight out of The Butterfly Effect. If you haven’t seen it, check it out as it’s a great movie (but not the sequels because they suck–you’ve been warned). Looks like Jimmy really did HAND over his prize possessions on a silver platter after all.
Dell, his father, goes to visit him and when he finds out who put his son up to it, he’s not too impressed. Jimmy explains that he sold his hands and Dell is all like “don’t trust that lying prick.” Just so happens that Dell is actually right. Too bad for Jimmy because it’s going to be very hard for him to drink, play poker, pleasure women…you get the point. Especially with the suggestion that he gets some hooks for hands! Jimmy ‘Captain Hook’ Darling…maybe this is what is in store for us because that would actually be bad ass!
Regardless, it was a good bonding moment and absolutely interesting twist on Dell’s backstory. It’s too bad they didn’t actually do a flashback because it would have been amazeballs. They could have even broke out Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off, AHS remix:I’d totally dance to that! LOL! But seriously, quite the intriguing backstory with Dell explaining that he was a normie living in a house of Zoidberg’s (Lobster Boys), so he became the freak for not having claws. His father even told him that he’d be better off biting off his fingers one at a time. Being a freak for being normal…imagine that! Totally loved the twist but it’s unfortunate that they didn’t actually show us the flashback! Tragic stuff though, the Darling family has been through a lot.
So Dell heads back to the circus and basically tells Elsa and crew that he’s going to murder Stanley and reveals that they cut Jimbo’s hands off. This only ends well for all of us due to the fact that Amazon Eve and Dell team up together with epic results!
I loved every second of this team, even if it didn’t last long. Amazon Eve, having already beat the living crap out of Dell possibly due to the fact that she is WAY bigger than the guy, decides to join forces. Then the greatest thing ever happens as Amazon Eve and Dell become real life Super Smash Bros:
Amazon Eve throwing a rock through the car while Dell smashes their faces in with a lead pipe was beyond amazeballs. If there is anyone whom I want to survive this season, it’s Amazon freakin Eve! You go girl!
Essentially, they break Jimmy out and get him to safety but the question remains as to what role he’s going to end up playing now that he’s lost his lobster claws!
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Before I get to the good stuff, it’s worth talking about Bette and Dot’s excellent adventure in trying to get laid. Not a big fan of this storyline at all but the gist of it is that they’re looking for someone that both heads agree on. Not an easy task either since Bette and Dot are complete opposites. And yes, the French guy above was quickly rejected. Poor midget. Competing with Stanley for the show’s creepiest and sleaziest mustache!
They also ended up burning their diary in this episode which was unfortunate and possibly a sign of things to come. I guess this will be the last time we hear the twins saying their catchphrase.
My prediction is that these two are not getting out of this season alive. If they do, I will actually be shocked. Spoiler alert: Sarah Paulson has been the hero the last two seasons so I will be quite surprised if Bette and Dot make it out of the Freak Show alive and well. I’ve been a little disappointed with their story up to this point and I can’t see it getting much better in the final two episodes. Does anyone really give a shit if they get laid or not? I don’t and I don’t think you do either.
Of course, the twins end up meeting Chester who is played by Neil Patrick Harris. And this may, in fact, be their demise. I did, however, love his pet Chameleon and Amazon Eve:
Ya, those are NOT the twins. So what’s the deal!? This is probably NOT going to end well and Chester is clearly fucked up in the head. And believe me, things get even more insane once he breaks out his ventriloquist dummy. Chester mentions that he has a metal plate in his head after the war and me thinks that this could be the reason for his delusions.
Apparently Chester is some kind of a magician who performs various illusions and the Twins instantly have a connection with him which is…probably not a good idea based on the things Chester sees in his head. As per usual, the twins reaction was priceless:
I also found it super interesting that Chester keeps trying to perform his magic tricks but Elsa basically rejects him and explains that this is a freak show and not a magic show! Hmmmm….I swear next season we’re going to be getting our magic on! There are just too many hints to that. Look no further than Chester digging through Dell’s old toys and coming across the Chinese Water Torture trap. I swear this simply HAS to be a major hint as Paul the Illustrated Seal even mentions Houdini. Magic is coming so you better get believing!
And then we meet…
Well if you thought Chucky or Annabelle were bad, or even that creepy puppet of George Costanza’s mom in Seinfeld, I’ll just let you know right now they’re not. At least not in comparison to Jamie Brewer’s Marjorie. She is Chester’s right hand woman in the form of a ventriloquist dummy and this was easily the greatest story of the episode. With only two episodes remaining, it’s always great to see AHS completely fuck with our heads and introduce new bat shit crazy characters and the Neil Patrick Harris / Jamie Brewer duo was no exception. They get nothing but love from me! Mikey Likes It!
That thing just looks FUCKED! And so many questions after this one. Is the doll real? Is it possessed like the demon in Asylum? Or is this all just a figment of Chester’s imagination? My hope is that the doll is actually real because that would be wildly insane with endless possibilities to other seasons. If it’s all just in Chester’s head than I’m yawning already, so fingers crossed the doll is real as fuck.
Elsa offers Chester a bookkeeping job in exchange for allowing him and Marjorie to warm up the crowd. Probably not a good idea. That said, Neil Patrick Harris was great in this role, I loved every minute of it.
Next up we get a convo between Chester and his dummy and it’s really fucked up. Either Chester has some terrible schizo tendencies or Marjorie is real. And they top it off with this:
Jesus H. Christ. NUTCRACKER? WTF! Was this some kind of planned thing because I was very freaked out after that. Marjorie be insane yo.
Chester eventually settles on the sawing box which is going to end badly for some one, possibly the twins. Chester is still flirting with Bette and Dot and wants them as his assistant and we get the creepiest flashback ever which basically involved two twins getting it on while Chester watches with his dummy. This guy is definitely LOONY TOONS!
Like seriously show, WTF! And here I thought Twisty was bad. Neil Patrick Harris totally killed it as this creep show and so did Jamie Brewer as his puppet. You two are getting nothing but love from me.
Of course, the twins choose Chester to be the one they want to sleep with but his head starts ringing from all the crotch grabbin’. Then we head back to the flashback with Chester the Molester and his puppet freakin’ out on a set of twins which leads to more headaches. Bat. Shit. Crazy. Then Bette and Dot decide to get their freak on:
Then things get really fucking fucked up! Chester puts his dolly away in a box and we head for another flashback where he had previously done the same thing. Only Marjorie has escaped the clutches of the box. The ‘other’ twins get blamed for this but I don’t think it was them and I’m pretty sure this dummy is actually real. In fact, it didn’t even seem like Chester was the one doing the killings because apparently Marjorie looks very real:
And of course, we didn’t forget about this guy…
Meanwhile, back in Dandy Land, the detective explains to Dandy that the twins are getting it on with some new guy. And Dandy is actually devastated because apparently he still wants the twins for his own amusement. They were supposed to be his!!! This can’t end well.
Meanwhile, back at the Freak Show, Elsa decides to give up her Freak Show to Chester of all people. Yep, giving it to a complete stranger is much, much smarter than leaving someone like Amazon Eve in charge. DUMB!
That said, Chester is beyond fucked and wants to reserve Elsa’s tent for Marjorie, his puppet! So once again we ask ourselves, is this puppet fo real?! According to Chester, she’s going to be the headliner and before we know it, once again Marjorie has escaped the clutches of the box! Oh shittttttttt!
So Dandy is clearly pissed and goes to pay Chester a visit wearing one of his moms fancy fur coats. PETA is going to be pisssssed.
Dandy confronts Chester about Marjorie after he tells Dandy she’s lost. Dandy makes up some bullshit about how Marjorie is angry with him and, well, Chester is clearly insane. Or is he? Dandy explains that Marjorie is gonna tell on him about murdering the other twins in the past, which Dandy found out about from his corrupt detective friend (who is also a douche). Course, I’m not quite sure
Doogie Chester is responsible. Cus every time Marjorie is on the screen some really freakishly twisted music / sound FX start to play. And of course, we see this. Prepare yourselves:
Course, Dandy tells her to look for Marjorie in the big tent who tells Chester that he has to SAW the twins in half. Hmmmmm…..so do you believe in magic now?
Another Freak Bites The Dust
To make things more dramatic, the cops decide to show up after they find the aftermath from the Super Smash Bros but are rudely interrupted by Chester the Molester when he can’t find his precious:
Course the cops are like GTFO because they’re trying to find Jimmy. But then we get to the bottom of Ma Petite’s death and get yet another surprise. First, Maggie comes clean and tells Elsa everything.
Then, Dell is confronted by Triple Tits aka Des and she is none too happy. No more BULLLLLLLSHITTTTTTT! Desiree pulls a gun on Dell and basically has him admit to murdering both the cops and Ma Petite. Things are not looking to good for the Darling family.
And in an unexpected twist, Dell meets his end but not by Des, but by Hollywood herself:
After Maggie shows Elsa what happened to Ma Petite, Elsa just loses it and decides that revenge is a dish best served freakishly cold (like -20 degrees Celsius). And BANG! He dead. If I had to guess, I’d say that every freak is pretty much going to die before the end of the season but here’s hoping that is NOT the case of Dr. Pepper cus Amazon Eve and Desiree better survive. The only question I have right now is how is Dandy going to be killed off because no way in HELL is that guy surviving! Creep Show…
EPISODE SCORE: 8.5 / 10 Neil Patrick Harris and Jamie Brewer join the cast of Freak Show and I loved it! It was random, unpredictable and down right creepy! Still, there were other moments in this episode, such as the whole Chester / Bette and Dot thing that I was really bored with, but I simply loved how bat shit crazy Chester was. Whenever Marjorie was talking to him and those super creepy sound effects began to play, it was pure horror. This guy is unpredictable to say the least and I get the feeling it’s only a matter of time before Chester is teaming up with Dandy on his murder spree.
I’m highly intrigued for the next episode, titled Show Stoppers. Things are not looking so good for Maggie and she might be getting sawed in half! It’s inevitable that someone is going to be meeting that fate, this is American Horror Story after all! Also, does anyone think all this talk about magic means we’ll be heading for something magical next season? The top hat, Hitchcock’s Stage Fright, and now Chester’s magic act with a Chinese water torture reference…I think these are pretty big clues as to where we’re headed next season! Harry Houdini flashbacks anyone?
Step Right Up
I’ve added Chester and Marjorie to the poll this week, even though there are only 2 episodes remaining! Also, just out of curiously but did you love or hate seeing Neil Patrick Harris on American Horror Story? I gotta say, it was a refreshing new spin and I loved it but maybe some of you freaks didn’t. So step right up, get ya freak on and vote below!