“I cannot begin to tell you how it felt. The kind of control over their lives. Their trust, their fear, their pain, their confusion. I believe I am living my destiny. I am finally happy” -Dandy
Tupperware Party Massacre was all about Dandy and, while it had its fair share of moments, it was not all I had hoped for. Dandy was in the spotlight yet again and with his mother out of the picture you knew things we’re going to get a little weird:
Okay, so maybe A LOT weird. This is AHS after all. The death count was massive in this episode, mainly due to a Tupperware Party gone wrong, but I think the main thing to take away from all of this is that Dandy has clearly come full circle in becoming the psychopath he was born to be. Sure, Twisty was creepy as fuck but Dandy has upped the ante big time. It should be very interesting to see where Dandy’s story ends because after this episode, he’s clearly not going to be easy to stop.
So our episode begins with Jimmy Darling getting belligerently drunk and feeding Ima Wiggles with both some food and the D. I’m really not sure where this Ima woman fits in, she just appears to be there and I have no idea where they are going with her story but she must have some kind of a purpose.
Jimmy clearly enjoys her company but they are interrupted by Dandy the Clown and Jimmy, drunkenly, runs off to confront him only to make a complete ass out of himself. We were also introduced to Angus, aka Theo Huxtable from The Cosby Show who is Triple Tits latest boy toy. This came out of nowhere and, like Ima, I’m not sure where the writers are going with this. My guess is that both of these characters are going to end up dead just like everyone else on the show.
After meeting Angus, Desiree and Maggie stumble upon the filming of Jason Deroulo’s Wiggle Wiggle music video and apparently Jimmy knows what to do with that big fat butt:
Of course, this makes Maggie lose her shit. She clearly has a thing for Lobsterboy. Ima threatens to squash her into a cracker which was pretty hilarious. I mean, if Ima sat on Maggie, that would not be good. Again, this was all pretty pointless because I have no clue where the writers are going with this storyline but maybe it will all make sense in the new year.
So Jimmy heads off to the Jupiter suburbs to please some ladies before their monthly Tupperware Party. Wrong place, wrong time. He is way to hammered to be using his claws like that. And of course, the women kick him the hell out because he’s a drunken mess:
Lock In Freshness
The irony here is that, at first, the ladies thought it was drunk Jimmy returning and were going to call the cops. Should have trusted your instincts ladies. Instead, they invite Dandy Man into their home for a nice game of Marco Polo:
In a pool of blood of course because this is American Horror Story and they wanted to kill as many people as possible in a matter of seconds. So we have eight dead desperate housewives in what looks to be a pretty nice indoor pool. Yikes! Dandy is clearly bat shit crazy and the guy that walked in on this is probably going to have nightmares for the rest of his life. Sorry random dude. Clearly a bad time to have Tupperware Party’s in Jupiter, Florida.
To make matters worse, Dandy appears to believe that bathing in blood makes him a God:
Ya, somehow I don’t think the both of you are going to fit into that tiny bathtub. Which also has NO plumbing hooked up to it so I’m not even quite sure how this all works. Did they have to fill the tub with buckets of water? Cus that just sounds like a lot of work.
At this point, I was almost positive that Regina was dead but for whatever reason Dandy let’s her walk right out the door since, ya know, he’s the law.
Back to Bette and Dot’s story, Ethel apparently hid them away but now that Ethel has a throwing knife in her face, it was only a matter of time before Stanley and Elsa tracked them down. They bring the twins some good news by revealing that they have found the doctor who can perform the surgery that Dot wants so badly but Bette clearly would rather go without.
They plan on performing the surgery in some barn and it’s beyond sketchy. Ugh, I hate Stanley. He is such a sleazebag and I have no idea how none of these freaks can see past his bullshit. I mean, that mustache has Boris and Natasha (from Rocky and Bullwinkle) written all over it:
And Movember ended 3 weeks ago. Time for you to go Stanley. The twins are super gullible though and believe this ridiculous story, even though one of the twins had died in the previous surgery. And shame on Elsa for going along with this. Bette actually seems to be the logical one because she’s totally right when she says she’ll have to dance with one leg. After all, they only have two of those. This has EPIC FAIL and STUPIDITY written all over it. I understand why Dot wants to be split apart from her sister but why risk life and limb to do so?
Then we get a sweet sisterly chat between the two heads and it was fantastic. I absolutely love Bette. At first she appeared to be the ditz out of the two heads and now she’s the voice of reason. She pours her heart out to Dot and it clearly has an impact. She compliments her sister with poise and grace and compassion and it’s definitely from the heart.
Emotional stuff from two very complicated heads attached to one body. And shortly after, Bette and Dot go and visit Jimmy where Dot admits that she was the problem, not Bette. Dot pours her heart out to Jimmy, whom she is in love with, but ultimately Jimmy’s heart is with another woman (or crustacean). I guess he’s not into blonde’s or brunette’s?
Is it just me or is it weird seeing one guy make out with two heads? Dot is pretty much heartbroken and I totally feel for her. What is next for the twins though? So far this season the show has done an epically bad job at making me feel any find of emotion with regards to these relationships. Was Jimmy referring to Maggie when he said his heart was with someone else? He couldn’t have been talking about Ima, could he? I guess we will have to wait and see.
The other quick story of this episode worth mentioning was Dell’s suicide attempt. Once again, Stanley proves he is the biggest douchebag on this show when he waves his dick around in front of Dell and at that point I wish Dell would have just punched him in the dick. And this was Dell’s reaction to the whole incident:
Who can blame him? Luckily, Triple Tits comes to the rescue and saves Dell before he can take his own life. This likely means that Dell will have some part to play in the final episodes leading up to the finale. Will he get some revenge on douchey Stanley? One can only hope.
Dreams That Money Can Buy
Back in Dandy Land, Regina comes back with a detective after Dandy’s admission. And to my surprise, Dandy also admits to the murders without hesitation. But he also blackmails the fuck out of said detective with large sums of money because that’s what rich, spoiled white kids do.
That cop can seriously go fuck himself. I hate bad people and this guy is clearly a bad apple. It took him half a second to make up his mind and MURDER Regina. And that’s not all. They were able to frame Lobsterboy for the Tupperware Party slayings as well, and things are not looking too good at the Freak Show.
Jimmy gets framed for the murder of eight maids a milking and is officially thug life! And if you enjoy real-life crime dramas, I HIGHLY encourage you to check out Serial, a real life story, told entirely by podcast, about a murder and a potential framing. It is beyond brilliant, so check it out when you get a chance (it is also the most listened to podcast in HISTORY).
So Jimmy is off to the slammer and I am off to start banging my head against the wall because this episode was really not that great.
EPISODE SCORE: 7 / 10 Yet another mediocre episode to add to this season. After Twisty’s death way back in episode 4, there has not been much going on. I’m not quite sure what is happening here, maybe they are literally saving the best for last but I expected more from this season and we’re simply not getting it. The writing has taken a bit of a dive. What happened to the flashbacks and flashforwards we had become so accustomed to back in the Asylum days. At least Triple Tits is still alive.
Luckily, it looks like next episode we will be getting a blast from the past in the form of Pepper’s backstory and the return of a major character from Asylum, played by the wonderful Lily Rabe. Can’t wait to see Sister Mary Eunice make her anticipated return. Check out the preview for Orphans below:
One Freak To Rule Them All
What the hell happened to Penny this episode? And when is Twisty coming back? And Mordrake!? I have a feeling that Pepper’s voting status is about to go through the roof next week though, so get voting, only 4 episodes left!