“You’re stuck on the rosy notion that the world operates on goodness. Decency. Truth is, all goodness guarantees ya is an early grave. But the biggest joke of all, that’ll sink ya, is hope. Hope that the world will right itself. And that the just will be rewarded and the wicked punished. I don’t want you to buy into that horseshit or you’re dead in the water. The only way to survive in this disgusting and God forsaken world is to take control. Ain’t nobody gonna take care of our people but us. ” -Ethel Darling
The quote above, unfortunately, seems to be true in this world today just as it was back then. Kathy Bates and the writers went all out this episode. Titled Test of Strength, AHS brought some great acting, great writing and great plot twists and was a freakishly huge improvement from last week’s dud.
Oh and can’t forget that Evan Peters brought Kurt Cobain back from the dead with a great cover of Come As You Are, which I encourage everyone to check out below. Pure awesomeness!
Now let’s get into the beefcakes and potatoes…
I just want to get this out of the way because I just have no clue where they are going with this. The nurse, Penny, is not on good terms with her Dad due to the fact that she is in love with Seal Boy. So what does Daddy do? Well first off, he hires this guy:
Lookin’ good Penny. I guess this gives a whole new meaning to running away to join the circus because she is clearly gonna regret it:
So Penny the Candy Snake goes back to Seal Boy who is apparently still alive. Boourns! How does he survive a knife in the gut I will never know. But one can only wonder what is going to happen next in this insanely ridiculous plot.
Blonde or Brunette?
Continuing on from last week, Dot, Bette and Dandy have a visitor and clearly this was not gonna go well for Dandy because Bette and Dot decide to get the hell out of dodge and head back to the Freak Show. Needless to say, Dandy was his usual self:
The two-headed twins head back to the Freak Show and apparently Bette wants to be a comedian, dye her hair blonde and be rewarded with 20% of the box office. Course, Elsa is having none of it but she gives in which can only mean she’s up to no good! And BETTE GOT HER BLONDE HAIR! The ’90’s is back! Makes me want to go back to my Slim Shady ways:
Lookin’ good Bette. This only makes me love her more. Dot is way too serious and lacks personality and the blonde hair is a great improvement. Of course, Elsa being up to her evil ways slips Dot a note:
And since this is NOT the times we live in where smart phones and text messages have taken over, they have to play pen pals and deliver actual, real letters. Someone send me some mail please, I miss those days of actually being surprised with real handwritten goodness! So Dot writes back to Elsa as she is still dead set on getting her other half removed by the neck:
This is not going to end well for anyone. And Elsa meets up with ole Stanley who thinks it might be a better idea to put the Siamese twins out of their misery. No idea where they are going with this but I like it. I have a feeling Bette is going to get the better of Elsa and Stanley (or at least I hope that’s the case). She is so naive and innocent, just like Mikey…and Mikey likes that :) Either way, at least they’re not Ma Petite.
Pick On Someone Your Own Size
Dell Toledo finally entered back into our story after driving the good ole doc to suicide. I have to admit I felt sorry for Triple Tits and Ethel because now they have no good doctor to attend to their needs. The doc was one of the good ones who actually tried to put himself in the shoes of a freak and it was totally unfortunate that Dell broke his hands. That said, Dell had his own problems this week with Movember poster boy Stanley blackmailing him to kill one of the freaks.
His first potential victim was a bad choice. A very bad choice. Amazon Eve’s got a black belt yo, and she knows how to kick some ass. And Dell totally gets his ass beat down! Totally showin’ some love for our Amazon who is by far one of my faves and needs more airtime! Oh and this classic was playing in the background the whole time:
She totally kicks the crap out of Dell with her finishing line: “Who’s the Strongman meow?” with Dell laying on the ground. Pure Amazon Amazeballs. I would absolutely love to see some of these minor characters get more love from the writers and I WANT MOARRRR EVE!
After all this happens, Lobster Boy thinks the best solution is to murder Dell and once again, Kathy Bates as Ethel kills it with one of her monologues and they decide that Dell needs to go bye bye.
But instead Jimmy and his Dad go for drinks to the point where Jimmy is white girl wasted puking his guts out. Luckily, Dell doesn’t go through with murdering his own son with a brick and they kiss and make up:
Quite the situation we have here now that Jimmy and his Pops made up! Also, a great big birthday shout-out to my own Dad who is amazeballs in every way. He’s been sportin’ a moustache for 42 years so Movember ain’t got shit on him! Keep being awwsome Dad! :)
So son and Dad get back to the Freak Show with quite the buzz and they are greeted to some sassy women, aka Elsa and Triple Tits.
And then the worst possible thing imaginable happened. But first, GIFTS:
Then summertime sadness. Seriously show, I’m pissed. Why’d you have to go and do this:
And so, Dell gets to live while Stanley and Maggie get their cash money by selling Ma Petite to the museum of oddities. Someone please go after these rich bitches cus I will never understand how they get off on this stuff:
That image is now burned into my retinas and I will be having nightmares for the next year. If only Amazon Eve was around to protect me.
EPISODE SCORE: 9 / 10 Call it a comeback because this episode was great! Kathy Bates stole the show with an Emmy-winning performance and the entire situation between Dell, Ethel and Jimmy totally paid off. I was into this from the very beginning, there is just something about that damn strongman game that we all have tried at one point in our lives! Carnies FTW!
Sadly, another freak bit the dust and it was one of the cutest (and one of my personal faves), but I guess this wouldn’t be American Horror Story if they didn’t kill off the characters that we all love. This episode really only lost points because it had to clean up last weeks mess with Seal Boy.
Also, check out the preview for next week’s episode…it’s going to be a Blood Bath:
One Freak To Rule Them All
It’s official, I have way too many favorites this season. Yes, I miss Twisty but with Ethel and Amazon Eve owning this episode (and Ma Petite, who is still freakin adorable and also dead now, GRRR) I can’t even decide on a fave anymore. I just hope we get to see more of the minor characters like we did this episode. Totally paid off. Keep voting and let’s crown our favorite! Til next week, my fellow freaks.