American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Pink Cupcakes’ Review ‘Sweets, Freaks and Meeps’


sweets-freaks-and-geeks

“I would never participate in what I consider to be the death of art and civilization” -Elsa Mars

What in the fuck show. Seriously. No more gruesome murder scenes please. I will clearly be having nightmares tonight after this. But hey, I guess we all knew what we were getting into. This is AHS after all. I will say this though, there are mad rumors about a top hat on a mug that is supposedly a major clue for next season. Me thinks this can only mean one thing: MAGIC! Harry Houdini, anyone? I have this strange feeling magicians will be taking center stage next season which would be pretty damn SICK!

Back to last night’s episode, titled Pink Cupcakes, we delve more into the mind of a psycho killer, Elsa gets boo’d off stage and Dot and Bette died…in a dream sequence, lol. Like they’d kill off Sarah Paulson that early, nice try show!

Sorry for the delay, it has been a crazy week for me, I’m living out of my suitcase in a travelling freak show these days and man, it’s fun! 🙂 So without further adieu, enjoy the review!

U.S. Steel Of Murder

Clue-Dandy-inthediningroom

“Someone has broken into our home and murdered Dora!” LMFAO…nice try Dandy. Even your moms knew it was you, you creep! Good on her sending you to your room for the rest of the day! This won’t last clearly. And it didn’t. Cus Gloria decides to bury the maid in her garden:

garden-of-evilThen, Dandy puts on his favorite pair of undies. What a great place to workout:

tighty-whitiesDon’t mind the balls? So Dandy be going cray cray right before our very eyes. So he heads out to the gay bar for some fun times and they’re getting their dance on to this classic tune:

Also, I am POSITIVE now that the writers read my article because Dandy is John Gacy. And if you don’t know who Gacy is, well, click here to find out. Between him and his mommy burying bodies under their home and Dandy going to the gay bar to pick up men to murder, this is straight up the Gacy story with a twist. And I wrote about it last year. Don’t believe me, check out the article here! Come on AHS, show Mikey some love here! Course they did totally make the story fucked up as all hell. Because THIS happened:

yummy-yummyThen this:

WTFI don’t think words can even describe this. The question, however, is why did it take so long to kill the guy? Maybe he’s a freak of his own who can’t die? I’m not sure but I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of Tighty Whities #2. What do you think?

And, awwwwsomeness, because as it turns out, the maid Dora’s daughter is GABOUREY:

gabourey-is-backI can only imagine what her role will be at this point. Obvs she and Dandy used to hang out when they were kids, so it’s prolly only a matter of time before she dead.

Fame

ma-petite-fameSo Elsa the bad Witch gets boo’d off stage and now wants to be a movie star. Ginger from Gilligan’s Island…move the fuck over. Cus Elsa Mars is in the house. And anyone wondering what song was playing during Ma Petitie’s manicure session, a lil’ more David Bowie for y’all. Check it out:

I guess the main point to make here is that Elsa sucks, she is clearly never gonna be the star of her own Freak Show because she’s simply not a freak. And she can’t sing either. Stanley and Maggie are up to no good, and Elsa finally gives in to Mr. Hollywood, aka Mr. Creepshow.

mirror-mirrorStill though, Jessica Lange makes smoking cool:

smokeWe had a bunch of random fantasy sequences though, which was quite annoying because I knew they would never kill off Sarah Paulson that early. I mean, c’mon, clearly not happening in episode 5:

tattler-talesI was fooled for about 1 second. As it turns out, Bette did not in fact eat the poisonous pink cupcakes which totally screwed up creepshow Stanley’s plans! Too bad, so sad:

pink-cupcakesThat said, the dream sequence was sick as hell and confirmed that once one head bites the dust, the other one will soon follow. Of course, three is better than two.

Triple Tits

consolation-prizeSo we finally got more story from Desiree, Jimmy and Dell and holy fuck. First up, Jimmy is being consoled about Meep’s death, one thing leads to another, and the next thing we know he’s got 3 boobs in his face! Jesus AHS! Talk about freak show soap opera. Apparently Desiree was pregnant and Jimmy accidentally gave her an abortion. Wait, WHAT!? When did this show turn into South Park!!!??? Dell ain’t gonna be to happy about this. Further, she doesn’t actually have a ding-a-ling, it is, in fact, a GINORMOUS clitoris. Yup, this review is no longer PG-13. It’s rated fucking X!

And Dell has quite the temper on him. Jimmy could be in big, big trouble if the truth gets out about what actually happened. And our poor, nice doctor won’t be performing any more plastic surgeries for a while. Sorry celebs:

anger-management

The Verdict

EPISODE SCORE: 8 / 10 The beginning of the episode was pretty slow, but by the end it was FUCKED! Dandy is one crazy clown / psycho killer and Finn Wittrock has made the perfect villain this season. But what was with the guy he murdered!?!?!? Is he still alive? Why was Elsa at Gloria’s at the end of the episode!? TOO MANY F’ING QUESTIONS! So, I actually thought this episode wasn’t that great…plus they lost points for stealing my ideas. Clearly there is a little bit of Gacy in Dandy and I wrote about exactly that. I will hold my two heads up high and be proud hehe!

Also, check out the preview for next week’s episode below, titled Bullseye. I imagine someone is going to get a knife between the eyes based on the preview but with this show, who in the FREAK SHOW knows.

One Freak To Rule Them All

Once again, we got our Freak Poll. VOTE VOTE VOTE or else Dandy is gonna butcher you. Until next week my fellow freaks!

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