American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Monsters Among Us’ Review ‘Freakishly Beautiful’

"Pennywise is my bitch."

“Life…is to be lived” -Elsa Mars

IT”S BACK! And better then FREAKING ever. From Twisty the clown, to Pepper’s return, to the World’s Smallest (and cutest) woman…this cast of characters is about to change the game. Oh, and BETTE & DOT! The Tattler Sisters are the headline in the Freak Show and they are the headline period. Just to put it all in perspective, two completely different characters on one body and they do this:

Bette and Dot have a smoke.Between The Leftovers and the Guilty Remnant and now a two-headed Sarah Paulson, not to mention Jessica Lange in Coven during her Witch burning days….smoking is officially COOL again. The premiere got us started off nicely and we haven’t even seen Angela Bassett, Michael Chiklis, Emma Roberts and Denis O’Hare yet but it was a PERFECT introduction to the Freak Show and to most of the characters.

I get the feeling some of the performers are about to be murdered by a clown. And I didn’t sleep much last night because Twisty is fucking TERRIFYING and possibly living in my closet 😦 Watching with the lights ON from meow on, but you can read this review with the lights out! Make sure to check out the Music section towards the bottom of the post, as I posted all the good tunes from the Premiere! Just another element that makes this show SO GOOD! And for further listening enjoyment, Missy Elliott’s Get Ur Freak On is only a click away. Clearly an appropriate song choice. Enjoy, fellow freaks.

Clowning Around

Our story begins in Jupiter, Florida circa 1952 when milk was still being delivered directly to your doorstep. Until you decide to murder your mother and the milk starts curdling on the front porch. Milkman, being the curious cat that he is, decides to check it out.

The Milkman ComethD-Licious D-Livery. But not for the Milkman because someone was in the house still. Question is: WHO!? Was it Twisty? Was it Bette and Dot? Was it someone else? Either way, we have ourselves a murder mystery. The first victim ends up being Bette and Dot’s own mother (more on that a bit later), but honestly, this was the tame part because if I ever saw a clown like this, I would NOT be sitting around waiting for him.

Send in the ClownsSeriously chick…you’re really going to accept flowers from that clown? Really? Because I think most of us would have already been in the river behind you. And what kind of boyfriend would get THIS clown to entertain you, like really? This is hands down the creepiest fucking clown I have ever seen. Pennywise is a joke compared to this guy. In fact, I could go watch Stephen King’s It right now, and I’d probably start laughing at Pennywise now that Twisty has come into existence. I mean, LOOK:

twisty-looking-psychoticBeyond creepy. The stuff nightmares are literally made out of. For those that don’t know, that is the guy that played Drew Carey’s gay brother in the clown costume. Notice he NEVER blinks? I have yet to see this clown close its eyes and its beyond freaky. And note to self: NEVER POP A BALLOON AGAIN!

Twisty blowing up BalloonsCus as soon as that balloon popped, Twisty got Twisty with it by throwing his balls around…

Twisty the Clown, don't mess around! AmazballsNOT THOSE BALLS PERVS! There are children present here. But holy shit this guy is BAT. SHIT. CRAZY! Coven had NOTHING that could even compare to this creepy, crazy mofo. So a couple of things we BETTER see: First, I want Twisty’s back story. We better get flashbacks to how this guy turned into the creepiest clown in the universe. Second, that mask better come off. I need to know what is under that giant, sadistic smile. Third, he better not kill off any of my favorite freaks.

I think, though, the back story is going to be just plain nuts. Who knows, maybe we’ll end up actually feeling sorry for the guy like we do for Jessica Lange every season. Also, pleaseeee START BLINKING CLOWN, too creepy.

Two Heads Are Better Than One

AHS: X-Rays with Two SpinesBette and Dot are clearly the main characters of this season. They are responsible for the chain of events that led to their mother’s death and now they are on the LAM! But luckily Elsa Mars decided to take them in since they are going to be the ultimate headliner for her Cabinet of Curiosities. Easily the most complicated and interesting character in the show, I absolutely love the conflict of personalities. Two heads, shared circulatory system, shared reproductive system…and ya, this also happened:

Dot Stabbing BetteBette and Dot are fucked! Bette stabs there Moms after getting bitch slapped and then DOT STABS BET! STOP STABBING YOURSELF! It is now fairly obvious who the Milkman found. Also, what in the fuck happened in Alabama and why did they have to leave in the dead of night? ANSWERS NOW! We better see some flashbacks.

Dear Diary

Bette and Dot’s diary also told a great story, didn’t it. It even introduced a ton of the characters. I am already willing to bet that at some point this season, #MEEPMEEP is going to be trending on Twitter. He only says MEEP, it’s like a combination of the Roadrunner and Beaker and Animal from the Muppets. Plus he really likes chicken. And Paul the Illustrated Seal, Legless Suzie and Jimmy Darling all show up for the feast:

Dear Diary, Welcome to the Freak Show

That dude is friggin NUTSO! And can’t forget about Evan Peters as Lobster Boy! A picture is worth a thosand words:

Jimmy Darling LObster Boy The Ultimate SHocker

Insanity. And I love the fact that he keeps winking at Bette. Or is it Dot? Bette and Dot…or Dotte and Bet? I love them both 🙂

Kathy Bates, as Ms. Ethel Darling (The Bearded Lady) had it right when she said “You’re going to be BIG stars.” The diary sequence was beyond interesting and provided some nice perspective from BOTH heads on the SAME body. This character absolutely intrigues me. So far, I’m on the Bette train, she was freakishly awesome. She wants to get laid, she’s happy to smoke and wants have fun. Dot, on the other hand, is neither naughty or nice but she seems to be the clear head on the shoulders. Also, so cool how they incorporated the two heads talking to each other through their thoughts. We’re definitely going to have TWICE the fun this season with Sarah Paulson (who was also freaking out on Twitter last night while watching the Premiere live). I think everyone experienced something similar so a collective HUG! And locks for our closets.

The whole point of the Dear Diary sequence was to introduce us to the great cast of characters. This season is already set up to be an unbelievable Ferris Wheel ride! Bette and Dot are out of this world. One is excited and adventurous, the other wants to go home. My guess is that Dot is going to end up having the talent and Bette will have none. If that’s the case, were in for a treat.

Dandy and Gloria MottAnd for whatever reason, I still love saying “FREAKS” like Dandy did, he said it in such a cool way!!! But man this guy is a spoiled little shit. And what is with his Mom! I have to say though, as far as way out there characters, I’m very curious to see what happens with these two. Dandy has some weird freak fetish and he definitely has his sights set on Dot and Bette.

Pepper and Ma PetitePEPPER IS BACK! I cannot be more excited to see her entire back story. Not to mention Ma Petite, the cutest thing next to the Care Bears! How can anyone not love this pair!!! :)

One sec, i have a beard itch.Last but not least, Kathy Bates as Ethel Darling, the bearded lady was just plain awesome too. And big shout out to Amazon Eve who was killer on the piano!

But how could anyone not love that friggin accent by Bates! I am definitely curious to see how this all plays out as she seems to be very grateful to Elsa for taking her into the Freak Show! Always a good time with Jessica Lange and Kathy Bates on the screen together, am I right?

Getting Your Freak On

Get your freak on

What in the fuck show! Seriously! Okay, so after murdering the cop for insulting their freakness and arresting BetteDot, they get in a circle and continuously stab the fucker for no apparent reason! Jesus H. Christ. All the while, Twisty the crazy clown is in the background watching. Do I need to go on? Really? So far every character is awesome. The plot is awesome. The setting is awesome. And I’m almost positive we’re going to be getting loads of flashbacks! Hell, half the cast hasn’t even shown up yet! Wait til Tri-Boob makes her first appearance. Can’t wait!

And honestly, after last season and the whole FrankenKyle thing, I am thrilled that Evan Peters is back in a sexy, lobster-like way! He appears to be the leader of the group, even if it’s not his formal title, and I love his role this season. MOAR! The ending was inspiring and I love his reactions to being attacked. Simply put, he had some of the best lines in the Premiere and how about that ending…DON’T CALL US FREAKS!

Don't Call Us Freaks

The Music (Brought to you by Twisty the Clown)

Twisty Don't Play That

Obviously the music selection is brilliant on this series so I decided to add a brief section every week regarding the music I love from each episode (or anything else that’s related). Elsa Mars covering David Bowie’s Life on Mars was phenomenal and I loved the David Bowie attire. Spotify, if you’re listening, get the Jessica Lange version MEOW! I’ve included both the original and the performance from last night. And this.

The other awesome tune was a 1950’s classic by Georgia Gibbs, titled Kiss of Fire. Obviously this was referring to Lobster Boy and how he is able to pleasure any hole with his deformity.

And of course, can’t forget the final song they played as we get the big reveal of Elsa. I had to save this for the end because I don’t want to spoil it for anyone. Let me tell you, I didn’t see this coming and I don’t think anyone else did either.

the-big-reveal-elsa-mars-is-a-freak-no-legsSo, how did this all happen? Obviously it will have something to do with Nazi Germany but I pray we get a flashback and I pray they bring back Dr. Arden from Asylum because it would just make sense. And the song to go with it! If you’re not familiar with Spotify, then get familiar because it will change your life:

The Verdict

EPISODE SCORE: 10 / 10 Yup, it was THAT good. I really don’t understand how anyone can complain about this amazing anthology series. This appears to be the best season yet but it’s still pretty early to tell. I have a heart on for the freaks already and anytime Dot/Bette, Twisty, Elsa Mars or Jimmy Darling are on screen, I am listening. Remember to get your freak on in the meantime cus we are all freaks! I’ll be back next week for episode 2, Massacres & Matinees. So check out the preview for the rest of the upcoming Freak Show below. I get the feeling we’re going to be seeing a two-headed Sarah Paulson sing us some Fiona Apple 🙂 FREAK OUT!

My Season Ranks: #1 Asylum, #2 Freakshow (for meow), #3 Murder House, #4 Coven. Either way, all four seasons are better than almost anything else on television these days!

Pick a Freak, Any Freak

Feel free to vote on who is your favorite FREAK! We’re all freaks anyways 🙂 I love them all.


3 responses

  1. so, can’t really vote or comment on the show because I don’t follow it. I did come over to check out your review because you were nice enough to leave a link on my blog, though 🙂

    That was my sister’s review at Sourcerer. We write for one another, and she’s getting ready for some serious high-level graduate exams right this second, but I’m sure you’ll see her around at some point.

    Anyhoo, the art is good and I like the review. It makes sense without me having seen the show, your authorial voice is very distinctive and energetic, and the art is a hoot. All good things. I followed you here with my personal account and on twitter with @Sourcererblog. if you want to follow me back over there, I’ll be happy to add you to some lists 😉 Pleased to meet you.

  2. Is good read a review write by a real fan of AHS. Someone who enjoy and understand the details and watch it because love it.
    I’m tired of this people who enjoy hate watching something. They need treatment.
    I love this premiere. Really enjoy every minute.

    1. Thanks!!! Glad you liked it. Its easy to review something that is so amazeballs!!! Mikey Likes It!!! 🙂

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