Game of Thrones…you have outdone yourself yet again and you also have outdone every single horror movie with the level of gore in this episode. Or was this a full hour introduction to the new Mortal Kombat X? Just when I think I can’t see anything more ultra-violent, the kind of ‘gross’ that makes you want to vomit up your dinner immediately. That was pretty much where we were left at the end of ‘The Mountain and the Viper’, easily one of this season’s BEST episodes. Any show that has the ability to make my entire FACE ache with pain is doing something right…and I am sure I am not the only one who instantly received a headache for simply watching that last scene. In other news, Advil sales increased 300% late last night.
Before we get to that though, there was a lot more happening throughout Westeros and Essos and plenty of new character introductions to confuse all of us. For me, the scenes with Theon, Ramsay and Roose Bolton were the most interesting as I have been waiting to see how this storyline in the North plays out. Plus, MOAT CAILIN:
All in all, another fantastic instalment of Game of Thrones. This has easily been the best season to this point and there is still more to come folks! LOTS actually, and only two hours to cram it all into (drools).
Check out the rest of the review below (Warning: Graphic images will follow as this episode was bloody as fuck):
Mole’s Town Massacre
We start out in Mole’s Town and it is not looking so great for the Night’s Watch. Styr, Tormund, Ygritte and the rest of the Wildings are back on the attack and they completely massacre Mole’s Town. Gilly is there but she’s a wilding and Ygritte knows it so she spares her:
Word gets out back at Castle Black, Sam thinks the worst as usual and should shut his fat face up, and Jon Snow and the rest suggest that the Night’s Watch is in deep doggy doo doo. From next week’s preview, the climax of this epic battle is going to take place next week and I have no idea how the Night’s Watch is going to survive this one. Expect lots more death next week, not that you didn’t already know that 😛
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
Meanwhile at The Eyrie, Littlefinger is being questioned by some randoms. I can honestly say I have no clue how any person watching this show (who hasn’t read the books) is going to understand who these people are, why they are there and why this is important. That said though, Sansa reveals her true identity and goes along with Petyr’s lie. I actually love this because Sansa is turning into a bad ass right before our eyes and to be honest, Petyr has done nothing but keep her butt safe so it makes sanse (lol) that the once little girl is now blossoming into someone as strong as her mother Cat.
Seeing as she has already been through mass amounts of tragedy, I think she is definitely ready to be the bad ass character we all want her to be. It is only fitting that she’s WEARING A FALCON, don’t ya think?:
Who in the hell knows what is going to happen next in The Eyrie, but I do like this new bad ass Sansa! And she is at least smart enough to realize that Petyr is actually on her side too! Go get ’em, girl!
And one last quick note…The Hound and Arya actually end up reaching The Eyrie only to find out that Lysa had died 3 days earlier. Arya’s reaction really says it all:
Love that cute little laugh even if it is a psychological response to the fact that everyone dies before she gets to them! Also, note how The Hound’s bite is getting worse and worse. Infection is still coming.
The Turncoat At The Moat
First, a quick history lesson because Westerosi history is epic. In the earlier seasons (1-3), I hadn’t had the privilege of reading the books and I literally had no fucking clue what was going on and who was who. The show continues to randomly introduce new characters and new locations and this episode was no exception. That said, I have provided a little background on the Moat because it sounds really messed up. I wish the show had more time to explore the settings, etc but obviously with only 10 episodes per season, this would be rather impossible.
Moat Cailin is a pretty cool place though with some bad ass history. Westerosi legend suggests that the Moat was built thousands of years ago by the Children of the Forest. This particular castle is very important if only because no one can enter the North from the South without first going through Moat Cailin–just think the North Korean border as a real world Moat Cailin. The other important aspect about the Moat is that it was designed to resist attacks from the South, but it is vulnerable if forces attack from the North–hmmmm!
The other cool aspect of this particular region is that the swamps are surrounded by ‘bog devils’ who enjoy shooting poisonous darts at incoming travellers. Said darts are also smeared with poop to ensure the wounds get infected as quickly as possible and confirming to us all that George R. Martin is one sick fuck.
Now back to our story where Ramsay sends Reek to Moat Cailin in order to persuade the Iron Born and a very, very sick Lord Kenning, into surrendering the castle before Ramsay flays them all. But Theon runs into a bit of trouble when he meets up with Lord Ralf Kenning. Kenning, a fellow Iron Born, is clearly dying in the worst way imaginable:
Infection is everywhere in Westeros and Kenning had been struck with one of the poisonous poo darts I mentioned earlier. Needless to say, he is having a pretty bad time at the Moat.
And it’s a good thing for Theon that the rest of Kenning’s party didn’t take too kindly to infections and being flayed and so Kenning ends up like this, at the hands of his own men who would prefer not to die at the orders of a dying man:
And with one quick axe to the head, Theon gets very, very lucky which is probably deserved at this point given all the bad luck he’s had lately. With Kenning now out of the picture, the rest of the Iron Born much prefer to live than to die and so they surrender the castle. But this is Ramsay Snow we’re talking about here and verbal contracts are apparently not enforceable under the Bolton regime…leading to some Iron Born on the Barbie:
If only he hadn’t put an axe in Kenning’s head and this may have never happened! The Bolton’s end up taking over Moat Cailin and Roose Bolton decides that Ramsay shouldn’t have to be a bastard any more as he names him Ramsay Bolton…awww, isn’t that sweet!!!
So what is next for Roose, Ramsay and the Bolton’s? And what is Theon’s role going to be in all of this? The Bolton’s are a super big mystery at this point but hopefully we get more of this story before the finale 😛
Ser Jorah, You Have Been Evicted From The Big Brother House
Only one big reveal from Meereen this week and a lot of pretty boring, pointless scenes, including a butt naked Missandei.
Really not too sure where they are going with this story, nor do I really care. It is known. But hey, at least Grey Worm got to see his first set of boobies, and if eunuch’s can still have an erection, well at least Greyworm’s greyworm is under water and well hidden. I really have no clue what the writer’s are doing with these two but I am curious, if only because Missandei is such a mystery to me.
Of course the big, shocking moment was when Dany dismissed Jorah after finding out that he was given a pardon by Robert Baratheon. It appears the friend zone has now been expanded big time.
So ya, not much going on in Meereen this season. In fact, Dany has definitely taken a back seat to everything that has been happening in Westeros. And where the F are the dragons!?!? WE WANT MOAR!
Mama Martell Had A Baby And His Head Popped Off
Call me a pussy but that death scene was easily one of the most brutal, goriest death scene’s in the history of TELEVISION! Sadly, one of our favorite characters from Season 4 is no longer with us due to his own hubris but I can assure you that his death is going to spark a lot more drama in King’s Landing and will, in fact, bring more focus on Dorne, which I believe will be part of Season 5 (and is reportedly being filmed in Spain). Also, Tyrion and Jaime had a heart-to-heart about their childhood, telling stories about some moron who liked to smash beetles. The results were hilarious:
I love Jaime’s face, LOL! But comedy aside, the consequences of the trial-by-combat are going to be absolutely MASSIVE! It looks as though Tyrion is pretty much up shit’s creek without a paddle as he’s now facing a beheading, Oberyn’s face was literally exploded into pieces…yup, that happened and I’m pretty sure The Mountain is fucked as well, having been stabbed with the ‘Red Viper’s’ spear on numerous occasions:
Still though, the entire scene was just epic in every way. “You killed her! You raped her! You killed her children!!!”, this was the EVENT from the books and it totally lived up to the hype in every way! Oberyn was a great character that died way too soon but luckily there will be more to come from the Martell’s and Dorne.
Anyone else think that was just slightly over-the-top violent though? Ellaria Sand pretty much summed it up with her reaction:
And rather than provide a close-up image of this brutal scene, I’ll just give you all a glimpse of the aftermath, which is, in fact, still pretty f’ing gross:
That image says it all, doesn’t it: Tyrion, and probably everyone else, are fucked.
Ah yes, next week is the penultimate episode of Season 4 and in classic Game of Thrones tradition, I expect this to be the best episode of the Season. Ned Stark’s death, the Battle of Blackwater Bay and the Red Wedding all took place in episode 9, and there is only one major scene left that could fill this void next week. So get your longjohns on and snuggle up to the fire since I can only assume that most of this episode is going to take place at the Wall.
The description for next week says it all really: “The Night’s Watch are confronted with the most dangerous challenge to the Wall ever seen.” This is a challenge I will definitely be tuning in for, so check out the preview for ‘The Watchers on the Wall’: