♫ Hush little Sansa don’t say a word, cus Auntie Lysa is a crazy mockingbird. ♫
♫ And if that Mockingbird don’t sing, papa’s gonna PUSH THAT BITCH OUT THE FUCKING MOON DOOR ♫
Because this is freaking Game of Thrones! While the episode lacked in action we did get a big scene at the end that should have some ramifications going forward. But really, not much happened so I am hoping the show will pick up the action when it returns in TWO WEEKS (after the Memorial Day holiday).
While Mockingbird was really not that great, it did have a couple of good moments, including all of Tyrion’s scenes as he tried desperately to find himself a champion. He is definitely saying his farewell’s and one way or another and will be leaving King’s Landing. The question is: will it be in a body bag?
And while the show is clearly changing up the story from the books, it has become obvious that they are only changing minor parts of the story rather than introduce new characters. It makes sense since there are so many freaking characters in the books but I feel as though some of the plots have been less exciting if only because the show is forced to recycle characters they have used in previous seasons (such as Hot Pie…yawn).
Now read the review for Mockingbird below: The Mountain That Kills
Before I get right into our episode, even if only briefly, we finally get our first peek at The Hound’s brother, Gregor ‘The Mountain That Rides’ Clegane and he is one massive beast. As you can see, he holds a two-handed sword with one hand. Oh, and did I mention that Cersei has named him champion for Tyrion’s trial by combat. Not looking good for the dwarf! You will also remember Gregor from Season 1 when he chopped the head off of a horse in one blow (who doesn’t remember that!!!)
The question that remains though is who will be Tyrion’s champion? And by the end of the episode we know exactly who it is. But first, Tyrion is visited by his brother Jaime who doesn’t quite understand why he would throw his life away for a whore. We also find out that there is no way in hell that a handless Jaime is in any shape to take on Ser Gregor, so he’s out as champion.
Next up was Bronn and it was easily one of the better conversations of the episode. As much as Tyrion wants Bronn to be his champion, Bronn is unwilling to give up his life for the little man. Bronn is to be wed to Lollys and is now a Lord of Stokeworth, all Cersei’s doing I’m guessing so he won’t champion for Tyrion. Alas, he is just not willing to give up all that he was given in order to die by The Mountain’s sword.
Yet Tyrion completely understands and holds no ill feelings toward Bronn. He gets it…why would Bronn give up his new lordship and wife for a chance to roll the dice and see if Tyrion lives or dies. I will definitely miss these two together though, they have come a long way. Remember the days back in The Eyrie, GOOD TIMES! The question, though, is what is next for Bronn (since we all know what is next for Tyrion)…! Either way, these two together will be sorely missed!
Which brings us to our next guest, the ‘Red Viper’ Oberyn Martell. This is where things get juicy. Real juicy. Oberyn tells Tyrion the story of his birth and how everyone spoke as if he was a hideous monster. When they had arrived and Tyrion was unveiled, it was clear he was no monster. But Cersei, even as a little girl, had blamed Tyrion for killing their mother and wished he would die as soon as possible while twisting his penis (um, OWOWOWOW). So clearly, Cersei was still a huge dumb bitch even when she was a young girl which surprised no one ever. Moving on…
I should also quickly mention that Pedro Pascal, the guy playing Oberyn, has been phenomenal this season and it is no wonder they cast him for the part. As soon as the music picked up and Oberyn went into his speech, I wanted to grab a freaking sword myself and be Tyrion’s champion.
Oberyn is in King’s Landing for only one reason: JUSTICE! And man was his speech just inspiring in every way:
“I’ve come to the PERFECT place. I want to bring those that have wronged me to justice, and all those that have wronged me are right here (in King’s Landing). I will begin with Ser Gregor Clegane, who killed my sister’s children and then raped her with her blood still on his hands before killing her too. I will be your champion”.
I think the show has done a wonderful job of showing us the motivations of Oberyn. Dorne was wronged by the Lannister’s and the dam is about to burst. The Red Viper is not volunteering to save Tyrion, he is volunteering to serve justice upon The Mountain. You will NOT want to miss the next episode of GoT and that is all I can say that 😉
Asses Kissed By Fire
Not much action in Meereen this week. We see Dany with Daario and they decide to finally get it on. It only took the entirety of Season 3 and switching up the actors who play Daario to convince her that she wants to hit that. And hit that she does.
So once again, ever since Dany made the decision to chill in Meereen, it has been pretty boring for us all and so she passes the time with sex and food and who can really blame her. Daario wants to fight, however, so she apparently sends him off to Yunkai to kill the masters who have resurfaced.
Jorah thinks it’s a stupid idea and he is right so she changes her mind. More importantly, she tells Jorah that Hizdahr (the guy who came to her court about his dead father) will be her ambassador. And Jorah still thinks this is stupid and Jorah is still right. Much like Dany, we know nothing about this Hizdahr guy other than the fact that he’s rich and now Dany is sending him to her enemies in hope to end the war that is coming to Slaver’s Bay. Hate to say it, but Jorah is actually the wise one here, even though he will be forever in the Friend Zone:
I don’t really know where they are going with the Dany and Meereen thing but this is not in any way more exciting than the story in the books. Looks like more routine in Meereen. Sigh.
Hot Kidney Pie
Once again our travelling duo’s are up to their adventures but really not much happens once again. Only a couple of things to note: First, Arya and The Hound are attacked by a couple of former prisoners that you might remember from Season 1, Biter and Rorge. Biter ends up leaving The Hound with a pretty big gash on his neck and Arya is slowly becoming a crazed killer as she tricks Rorge into telling her his name before she does this to the poor guy:
So are dynamic duo are attacked out of nowhere yet again and more Westorsi trash have been sent to their graves. Haven’t we already seen this before? As fun as they are together, I think it is time these two split up for good because it appears they are just recycling the same story over and over.
We also get more info on The Hound’s relationship with his brother who apparently burned him for stealing one of his toys. The Clegane’s weren’t taught to share apparently. But Arya feels sorry for The Hound and helps him treat his wound although it looked pretty ghastly if you ask me, and who knows what Biter had in his mouth…Infection is Coming.
Meanwhile, Pod and Brienne are now a travelling circus of their own and they end up at some Inn where we are reunited with this guy:
Ugh, Hot Pie. Obviously, it was pretty funny watching Brienne get pissed at Hot Pie as he wouldn’t shut up about food, just like George Martin when he’s writing the books, but seriously this was just uneventful. They better not keep running into pointless random’s for the rest of the season.
The one interesting thing to come from this though was that Hot Pie informed them about Arya so at least Pod and Brienne have some knowledge of the younger Stark girl now, but even with that info they are on their way to The Eyrie which could get very interesting. Speaking of the The Eyrie…
The Polka Dot (Moon) Door
We head back to The Eyrie for the most action-packed portion of the episode and it didn’t disappoint. First, Sansa is out making a snow castle. Ah yes, I remember the days of making snow forts and snow castles only to have them destroyed by little shit’s like Robin Arryn. But, in his defence, it was kind of an accident and Sansa totally flipped out on the little kid who then ends up completely fucking up said snow castle. But luckily, Sansa is much older and bigger so she does what any older kid would do:
You go girl. Sansa is pretty much not taking shit from no one nowadays. And since Robin is a little, spoiled Joffrey in the making, I will gladly allow this to continue. And so will Littlefinger, who confesses to Sansa that he was once in love with Catelyn…but then things turn creepy and Petyr decides to plant a kiss on Sansa:
And look who’s creeping in the bushes. Lysa is clearly not going to be too happy about her husband making out with her niece. And I love this situation because no one knows what to think of Petyr at this point…is he sincere with Sansa or does he have other motives?
Of course, Lysa is none too happy so she calls on Sansa and literally goes bat shit crazy on her and tries to throw her out the Moon Door.
Luckily Littlefinger comes in just in the nick of time and convinces Lysa to put Sansa down, but not before telling Lysa that he only truly loved Cat and BAM, Lysa gets thrown out the Moon Door. Um, wait, WTF:
And closing credits. How the fuck is Littlefinger going to explain the death of Lysa…it was just the three of them in the room, so I can’t imagine they are going to try to cover this up by saying Lysa fell because that would be pretty stupid. And with Lysa flying out the Moon Door, how will this affect Sansa and Littlefinger and The Eyrie? Alas, it’s going to be a long two weeks.
In Two Weeks
I didn’t really mention Jon Snow and the Night’s Watch or Melisandre and Queen Selyse because, well, there was nothing really worth mentioning. I have been extremely disappointed with the way Jon’s story has been handled up to this point and I know they are saving it all for episode 9, appropriately titled ‘The Watchers On The Wall‘, but they really seem to have pushed that to the side and focused more on King’s Landing which is kind of disappointing because we are getting much less of Jon and Davos and Stannis and Melisandre when we should be getting MOAR!
Overall, Mockingbird was a so-so episode, with not really a whole lot happening except Lysa’s big death scene at the end. Check out more from Game of Thrones next episode, titled ‘The Viper and the Mountain‘, which pretty much means it is trial by combat time! Brings me back to my WWF days, watching Undertaker in a cage match! This one is going to be epic folks, but just a reminder that it will not be airing until June 2 because of the Memorial Day weekend next week! Check out the preview for The Viper and the Mountain, and if this doesn’t get you pumped up, I don’t know what will (the song in the promo is called ‘Down the Road’ by Stoner Train):