Comings & Goings On
Well it appears that we all kinda freaked out for pretty much no reason as ‘First of His Name’ got back on track and re-aligned the TV series with the books. After last week, everything was up in the air with a reunion between Jon and Bran seeming almost inevitable. The thing is…it just couldn’t happen for the story’s sake. But man, Hodor kicks so much ass when Bran takes his body over. Hodor, hodor…am I right?
There was also a BIG, major reveal last night that I assume some people missed so I am going to be discussing this in a bit more detail since this one event pretty such set off the entire Game of Thrones story (and the chain of deaths that followed).
Probably the slowest and most predictable episode of the season though, ‘First of His Name’ was a bit of a let down. It was more of a reminder episode about things that happened in previous seasons. It did also have a couple of good moments, especially the final confrontation at Craster’s Keep. Now let’s get to the review:
Stay A While And Listen
Since I always start with Meereen it seems, might as well continue that trend but first just want to mention how, once again, Arya and the Hound manage to steal the show. A really short, quick scene but it seems like these ‘odd’ pairings always have HUGE pay-offs. Even though pretty much absolutely nothing happened with them (or with Brienne and Podrick), they do give me a laugh every week which this show desperately needs once in a while with all the swords through the face. Especially when Arya poked the Hound, and I’m willing to bet that poke did a lot more damage than The Hound led on:
Meanwhile, in Meereen, it looks like Team Dragon is settling in for the long haul. Dany, in her attempt to be the world’s greatest slave abolisher, has finally come to the realization that most people on Planet Westeros are scumbags. Jorah informs her that both Astapor and Yunkai have already resorted to their old ways and the newly freed slaves have become just like their former masters. They also made mention of Cleon the Butcher who is now ruling Astapor which I assume is a simple shout-out for those who have read the books. But really, the one thing constant between Dany and her Dragon Crew, Arya/The Hound and Brienne/Pod was literally NOTHING because nothing happened with their stories.
It is rather annoying too because there is SO MUCH story in the books. But I do understand that every now and then, we do need some reminders from previous seasons (just not an entire hour of them). Needless to say, Dany will not be getting on her dragons and heading West anytime soon because she has decided to chill the fuck out in Meereen for who knows how long! For fuck sakes.
Cock Blocked in King’s Landing
Now normally being crowned King would be the greatest thing to happen in ones life…but this is King’s Landing and almost every King in this story has ended up being murdered. Tommen might wanna rethink this.
But Tommen is easily going to be the greatest king to take the throne in the last 50-100 years. Easily (just look at who he’s replacing). It is so weird to actually have a NICE king on this show, so weird in fact that all of Westeros doesn’t even know what to do. Is Tommen really in any danger? Of course, he’s a King, and every King in Westeros has enemies based solely on decade long grudges (take Oberyn and Dorne for example).
We also got a quick convo between Margaery and Cersei…gotta love these two power-crazy bitches having a mental cat fight with each other in the throne room. Also, Cersei totally cock-blocked Margaery which was probably good since Tommen is eleven:
Just hilarious. Look at that evil stare…I wouldn’t want to mess with that one. Needless to say, it will be very fun watching these two sexy ladies battle it out for Tommen, whom I will remind everyone is only eleven.
The other interesting convo in King’s Landing took place between Oberyn and Cersei and served as another reminder that Cersei has another daughter, Myrcella, who was shipped off to Dorne in Season 1. I can assure everyone that all these little reminders were put there for a reason. Joffrey’s death has really changed this show and for the better. As much as I loved hating Joff, who would have thought that having a nice, friendly, caring King on the throne could make things so unpredictable!
Further, and more importantly, women can take the Crown in Dorne, so Dornish law means that Myrcella is technically the QUEEN OF WESTEROS and not Tommen–cept these rules do not apply in King’s Landing and all of them will likely be murdered at some point because this was written by George R. R. Martin after all. Fingers crossed that Tommen spends a LONG time on the throne (please no more wedding-related murders, for the love of the SEVEN)!
Oberyn and Cersei’s convo really summed up this episode though, didn’t it:
OK, so maybe I’m being a bit too harsh on this episode, but it was kind of a dud. I expect bigger things from you next week, show!
Size Doesn’t Matter
This whole episode was a glorified, and necessary, blast from the past. And by past I mean Season 1. Sansa and Littlefinger are finally at the Eyrie (with a great shout out to the books with the Bloody Gate making an appearance) and you almost want to breathe a sigh of relief for Sansa who has finally made it back to her family. The only problem, her Aunt is Aunt Lysa:
And her cousin, Robin, has AT LEAST stopped breastfeeding cus that would just be wrong GoT! WRONG! So you will probably now recall these two being completely crazy in Season 1 when Tyrion paid them a visit and after Lysa’s chat with Sansa, it is clear that she is still cuckoo for cocoa puffs!
Not much has changed in The Eyrie either, even the Moon Door remains, though it was good to see they used the same actors from Season 1! It also appears the PETYR ‘LITTLEFINGER’ ‘I RUN WHOREHOUSES ALL OVER WESTEROS’ BAELISH, was responsible for setting the entire events of our story in motion by having Lysa poison her own husband, the Hand of the King at the time, and blaming the Lannisters for his death in a letter sent to Catelyn and Ned. In the end, Petyr set off an entire chain reaction of events and is solely responsible (with the help of Lysa of all people) for starting this crazy war in the first place (and, I supposed he could also be blamed for the death of Ned, Robb, Catelyn, and pretty much everyone else that has died on the show up to this point).
Petyr Baelish means fucking business!!! Of course, there is probably more to this whole plot so let’s all start paying a little more attention to Littlefinger (who apparently has a BIG grasp of Westeros right now).
I hope you all ate your vitamins and said your prayers cus HODORMANIA is officially here. This was easily the best part of the entire episode even if it was a little predictable. Karl is all questioning his new captives when Jojen tells him about his vision of Karl burning. Of course he hasn’t seen what you’re going to do to his sister Karl, because it AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN, YO!
Luckily for the Reeds though, the Night’s Watch shows up and distracts Karl the Cunt and his crew. But this leaves a little window open for Locke to show up, slice Bran in the leg to make sure it is in fact the Stark boy, and then have Bran warg into Hulk Hodor and completely DESTROY THE FUCK out of Locke with his hands! All they needed was some theme entrance music:
With that playing, Hodor then totally hulks up:
And completely destroys Locke:
I won’t tell you what happens to the guy in the books who was responsible for chopping off Jaime’s hand, but it was WAY worse than this, so consider yourself lucky Locke.
Back in Craster’s cabin, we kinda knew that Karl the Cunt was going down, but holy fuck:
Karma is a massively HUGE BITCH at Craster’s Keep. That does not even look like a quick and painless death whatsoever, not saying that he didn’t deserve it, but that is one nasty shot of Karl getting a sword through HIS FACE AND MOUTH!
Bran and his Hodormaniacs HAD to take off instead of reuniting with Jon. We all wanted to see the reunion, yes, but if it happened, the entire story would change significantly. If you remember, Roose Bolton and Ramsay Snow are covering up Bran’s existence (and they are also assuming Bran is still alive based on Theon’s account of events). There is a reason for this. They don’t want anyone knowing, suggesting or even thinking that any Stark boy is still alive. So Bran meeting up with Jon and the Night’s Watch would have completely blew that out of the water. Bran must remain hidden and everyone in Westeros MUST think he is dead or there is just going to be another price on his head like every single other King or Queen in Westeros!!!
Looks as though next week we are finally going to see what the hell Yara (Theon’s sister) has been up too after she left the Iron Islands after the end of last season to go save her little penis-less bro. And Tyrion’s trial begins which is going be to pretty epic if you know how the story goes! Also, BRAAVOS!!!!
Check out more from next week’s episode, titled ‘The Laws of God and Men’: