Pretty In Purple
Full Spoilers await for those that did not see this past Sunday’s Game of Thrones episode. And good luck if you are not caught up on the series because I find it totally impossible to avoid hearing people talk about The Lion and the Rose–where we finally got our front row seat at King Joffrey and Queen Margaery’s wedding…and the entertainment DID NOT DISAPPOINT!
Of course, this episode also CHANGED EVERYTHING and I see this as a major turning point in our story. Shit is about to hit the fan big time in King’s Landing so get ya popcorn ready.
A Game That No One Ever Wins
The episode starts off by checking back in with Ramsay Snow, who is with a woman named Miranda and of course, Theon Greyjoy who has now been transformed into Reek…which also happens to rhyme with freak 😉 They are playing a bit of a game with a random whore who is running through the woods, avoiding Bolton arrows and trying to outrun some vicious hunting hounds! This is what they like to do for fun in Westeros, folks!
And basically what we can take from all of this is that Ramsay is a sick fuck. After their day of whore hunting, they head back to the Dreadfort and it looks like Roose is back from the Red Wedding. Also, Roose is married to this beast:
Roose loving the big booty! Good for him cus Big Walda needs some lovin’ too!
Actually this whole scene was rather important so let us sort this mess out since who the fuck knows where is where and who is who in this show. I may even need to refer to a map of Westeros here–Nerd Status +10.
First, I can pretty much guarantee this probably confused a ton of people so I am just going to explain something right now so we all understand. Jon Snow and Ramsay Snow are NOT related. Their last name is not actually Snow. Rather, Snow is the name given to any bastard born child in the North (and the names Stone and Storm are also used as bastard names in other regions of Westeros to similarly identify bastards). It is simply a way of identifying any and all bastard children throughout Westeros which, well, pretty much sucks if you’re a bastard.
Second, this guy is back:
You will remember Locke from last season, he was the one who chopped off Jaime’s hand. But this season, he has a new mission.
Third, Locke is sent off to find Rickon and Bran after it is revealed by Theon that they are, in fact, still alive. And this is SO important because at this stage in the game, everyone in Westeros thinks the 2 Stark boys are dead. The question is: will Locke end up pursuing Bran and the Reeds or will he end up going after Rickon and Osha. Fingers crossed for the latter because Rickon and Osha haven’t been heard of in the story since they split with Bran and I’m not too sure how Locke would even find Bran at this point. This could be interesting, but I am worried that Locke will end up going after Bran which will be a total bummer since I really want to know where Osha and Rickon end up. Bran vs. Locke is just so…predictable and stupid, so please NO!
Fourth, Roose wanted to trade Theon back to Balon Greyjoy and the Iron Islands (hence why they sent him Theon’s penis) and in return he was hoping to get Moat Cailin. But this, of course, was rejected by Balon since his son is now missing a penis. So instead, Roose sends Ramsay and Reek to take Moat Cailin themselves. I can only assume this is going to lead to a reunion with Theon’s sister Yara who we have not heard from since the season 3 finale. Travel time sucks in Westeros!
And lastly, Theon/Reek looks like he could be on the next American Horror Story:
So finally the plot thickens with the Bolton’s and Theon! Also, some other happenings from around Westeros…Melisandre burned a bunch of people as sacrifices and Jaime is now training to fight with his left hand with Bronn (it was Ilyn Payne in the books, but I welcome this change because Ilyn has no tongue and would have been super boring).
The Cripple’s Visions
So nothing really to say about Bran and the Reed’s other than Bran touched a tree and now knows where to find the 3-eyed Raven. Wait, wtf? Anyways, he has a bunch of visions that were pretty cool so check some of them out below:
Anyone else wondering about the empty throne with snow and the dragon flying over King’s Landing!?!?! Was it a past or future vision? Just some great visual imagery! Good work, show!
So apparently, the three-eyed raven is ‘beneath the tree’ (which I assume is that HUGE ass tree from the vision) so off they go. Not quite sure how Bran knows where this is, but I have a feeling that based on these visions, he is actually able to warg himself into the TREES and can see anything they have seen whether it be past, present or future! How else could he see his father, Ned, with Ice (his sword) and how else is he going to magically know where this tree is! Hopefully they figure it out soon because this adventure over the wall is taking for freaking EVER!
The Purple Wedding
Ding Dong the King is dead. Rejoice! What a wedding! Watching Joffrey die was so much fun because he totally deserved every second of it. And he looks so pretty in purple, don’t you think? See, look:
Totally gross but totally satisfying. And he clearly didn’t choke folks, there wouldn’t be blood all over his face. Poison was the murder weapon and Cersei accusing Tyrion of murder at the end of the episode illustrates this perfectly!
Practically the entire episode was leading up to that moment and it was amazeballs! Although I’m not quite sure who to hate on this show now that Joff is out of the picture.
But Joffrey’s death is an absolute game changer. It will likely mean that Tommen will be crowned the new King and it also means that Tyrion and Sansa are pretty much fucked in King’s Landing, so I get the sense that some of our characters will be moving to new locales very soon (or dying cus this is GoT and no one is safe ever)!
To top things off, that leaves only Balon Greyjoy left for Melisandre’s prophecy/spell to fully come to fruition. I’d start believing in the Lord of Light if I were you, Balon! Hopefully the show will take us back to the Iron Islands so we can see exactly what is going on there because I am now very curious to see if this prophecy will be fulfilled! Mwhahahahaha.
Whodunnit? It’s All In The Details
The episode was truly about the wedding and obviously someone is responsible for Joffrey’s murder so let’s take a quick look at a theory I have put together based on the clues the show provided. I assure you there are no book spoilers here whatsoever, all of my evidence is strictly from the first two episodes of Season 4.
First, I think it is pretty obvious that Tyrion was NOT responsible for Joffrey’s death even though Cersei has accused him of the murder. In fact, the killer has already been revealed in this episode as can be seen from some very detailed clues.
First, let’s go back to the season premiere. You will notice from Two Swords that Ser Dontos gave Sansa a necklace with blue amethysts. Check it out here, this will blow your fucking mind:
Count the number of amethysts and remember that number. There are 7 of them!
Now, at the wedding reception, we get started with a brief but super important interaction between Lady Olenna and Sansa. And notice how she actually takes the necklace in her hand for literally one second:
Yup, that happened. And I paid very close attention, the Queen of Thorns is first stroking Sansa’s hair but then she quickly goes to the necklace for like half a second.
And back to Sansa for a close-up shot of said necklace:
Now, that is unbelievable attention to detail by this show! You will notice there are only 6 amethysts on the necklace now, and the missing one is conveniently right beside Sansa’s braid. Clever to say the least and fairly obvious that the 7th amethyst is poison in disguise.
So that leaves two people–Margaery and Lady Olenna. For one, it would have been so easy for Olenna to have given the amethyst to Margaery who then could have slipped it in Joff’s cup as she was sitting beside him the entire wedding. Or Lady Olenna may have done the deed herself while Joff was cutting his dove pie (which, by the way, looked so nasty. I just vomited a little thinking about how gross that pie looked). And hell, Lady Olenna even says “killing a man at a wedding, what kind of monster would do such a thing” as if she is incapable of such things! Or shouting “help your king” while Joff dies. HA, I’m onto you Olenna and it is fairly obvious the Tyrell’s are behind this Purple Wedding.
Even Dontos quickly leads Sansa out during Joffrey’s death scene which is probably going to mean that Cersei and the rest of the King’s Landing crew will also think she is involved in the murder, even if that is not the case. The question is: where the hell is Dontos taking her?
So that episode was pure awesome. Joffrey dying at his own wedding in front of thousands of his supposed friends and family. It doesn’t get any better than that. Now we just need Cersei and Jaime to have sex on his grave and we’ll be all set.
Check out the preview for next week’s episode, titled Breaker of Chains. Looks like we are finally heading to Meereen and it only took us FOUR YEARS to get there! It also looks like we may be seeing the Wildings attack on Castle Black, ZOMG. Enjoy!