American Horror Story Coven Finale: ‘The Seven Wonders’ Review


One Witch To Rule Them All

Stevie Nicks

Oh season finale! Why do you always do this to us?! On the one hand, last night’s finale of American Horror Story: Coven, appropriately titled ‘The Seven Wonders‘ produced a lot of really cool and tragic moments for some of our characters. But ultimately, the ending lacked something. I don’t know what, but a lot of the final moments of the season seemed anti-climatic if only because there was no true villain (plus no Laveau or LaLaurie = sad).

Of course, I can’t say enough about that opening. It was pure awesomeness in every way! Plus, STEVIE FREAKING NICKS! Something about her walking around Witch Manor, singing ‘Seven Wonders‘ while we get ready for the big final exam–it was the PERFECT set up for the final episode of Coven.

Check out ‘Seven Wonders‘ below and enjoy my final review of AHS: Coven.

If I Live To See The Seven Wonders

Our episode begins with a Stevie Nicks music video for ‘Seven Wonders‘ which can only be described as epic! It was almost like they decided to make a new, modern music video for the song in order to introduce the Seven Wonders test and it really set the tempo for the episode. I was truly on the edge of my seat when the four potential Supreme’s were battling it out for the Coven’s Supremacy (which, like everything on this show, ended up being all for nothing in the end). Plus, the song literally could not have been more appropriate for Coven…I mean, with these lyrics: “If I live to see the seven wonders, I’ll make a path to the rainbow’s end, I’ll never live to match the beauty again”. And obviously, Fiona was never going to be beautiful again after her reign of Supreme finally came to an end last night. This is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE this show, the little attention to details that make every line and every scene super interesting. And the intro, with Stevie jammin’, it made me happy to see video, music and story come to life on the screen.

After the music comes to an end though, we get down to business with Queenie, Madison, Misty and Zoe squaring off to see who can complete all seven wonders. But, SPOILER ALERT, they all fail and some had it way, way worse than others. I guess everyone can’t have a happy ending on this show. That said, we start with Telekinesis and the four girls have no problem with this part of their final exam:

Telekinesis - Fetching the Candlestick

After Telekinesis, the girls are tasked with mind control and the results were hilarious! Madison making Zoe bitch slap herself was classic, but not as classic as this:

FrankenKyle's New Move

FrankenKyle now has a repertoire of movements and actions, good for him! It’s always good to see how much progress he has made since the season premiere and he certainly came a long way from the FRANKENKYLE SMASH days. Either way, he was still the worst character this show has ever seen and Madison knows this. So she mind controls FrankenKyle into strangling Zoe, almost to death, but Delia steps in and throws Zoe off of FrankenKyle. I think it is pretty obvious that Zoe is not our Supreme at this point. Oh, and Myrtle gets a drink during the action. Melon Baller Martini’s–shaken, not stirred!

Moving on. The girls all take a nap but really they are on their way to the afterlife. Papa Legba’s afterlife. HELLS YES!

So off the girls go to their own version’s of Hell. All the while, Delia sits patiently:

Delia sitting

This was probably one of the most intense parts of the entire episode because we literally had to wait for each girl to return from their Hell. And when Misty was the only one left on the floor, I knew things were not going to end well for our Hippy Flower Witch. Apparently, she cannot find her way back from Hell. And boy does it really suck for her:

What Does The Frog Say in Misty's Hell?

Wait, WHAT!? THE? FUCK? JUST? HAPPENED?! Misty is caught in a loop where she is dissecting a frog in her Grade 6 Science class but keeps bringing the frog back to life and having to redo the dissection on a live frog. All the while, that damn hourglass is still counting down and if Misty can’t get out of this loop, she’s in a lot of trouble. And apparently it was A LOT more trouble than I had originally anticipated because this is what happened to her when she couldn’t make it back in time. Yikes:

Misty's Death

Talk about tragedy. It sucked too because Misty Day was hands down my favorite Witch competing for the Supremacy (it also helped that she was a STEVIE fan). I almost turned off the television when this happened–LOL, okay, no I didn’t, but still, who DIDN’T love Misty! She definitely deserved a more honorable death, but hey this is AHS and life is not fair.

Next up, our good friend Transmutation. Why they don’t just use the word Teleport is beyond me, but hey what do I know! The girls start playing a little game of tag for no good reason whatsoever but obviously this was bound to happen:

Zoe Impales Herself On Fence

Yup, Zoe teleports herself on TOP of the spiked gate! Not quite sure how THAT happened, but it definitely caught me (and probably everyone else) off guard cus I did NOT see that one coming!

Zoe’s death leads us right into the next test which is Vitalim Vitalus but Queenie fails and cannot revive Zoe. Madison, on the other hand, just refuses to even try because she’s a huge bitch but she does kill and revive a fly instead. And with Zoe’s death, Myrtle and Delia start wondering if this could actually be the end of the Coven. But alas, my theory did not come to light. My other theory, however, did and Myrtle finally comes to the realization that Delia is probably the Supreme due to the fact that she came from Supreme blood and her powers have been getting stronger.

So she gets right to it and starts doing pretty much every single one of the seven wonders, one right after the next. This one, however, was my personal fave:

Dancing Queen

LOL! She turned her into a Dancing Queen(ie)…get it? Lame, I know, LOL! So looks like Delia is our new Supreme and Madison is none too happy about it. Especially when she’s looking like a fool with her pants on the ground during the Divination test. Madison peaces out and heads over to TMZ but of course, she doesn’t make it very far because FrankenKyle is clearly still pissed about the whole ‘not saving Zoe’s life’ thing. Needless to say, it didn’t end well for Madison:

Madison gets Killed by Kyle

After Madison’s death, there was only one thing left to do and that was for Delia to revive Zoe. Once again, another character brought back to life but this time it seals Delia’s fate as the new Supreme. Congrats, girl!

Also, I’m taking bets that Madison’s version of Hell of was to be cast on Glee. 

Hell Ya!

With Delia being crowned the new Supreme, she obviously had to get the Coven’s shit in order after the mess Fiona left it in. So she names Queenie and Zoe her knew council and goes straight to the media (which makes no sense to me because I thought they had a rule to remain hidden). Also:

Delia let’s the black cat out of the bag and apparently young Witches from all over the continent are flocking to the Academy. But there is still one little problem:

Fiona is back. As you’ll recall from Delia’s visions, she is actually there to kill the entire remaining Coven but of course, this can no longer happen since Delia is now the Supreme. Fiona has lost all of her power and eventually dies in Delia’s arms. But that is not the end of it for Fiona.

Misty, Nan, Madison, Laveau and LaLaurie are all chillin’ in hell, but hands down the best moment for me involving Mr. Papa Shango aka Legba was Fiona’s final descent. She couldn’t make a deal with the guy earlier in the season for not having any soul but Legba waited it out and finally gets Fiona all to herself. A fitting ending for a huge bitch of a witch.

The problem, however, is that Fiona was not much of a villain in the end. In fact, the entire season of Coven lacked a real villain. I literally couldn’t get my hate on for any of them, even the Axeman had a back story that kinda made me feel sorry for the guy.

Just remember folks, you can’t put a clock on eternity 😉

House of the Rising Sun

With everyone out of the picture, it was now time for Delia to rise to the top as Supreme and open up the doors, literally, to a new chapter for the Coven. First, however, Myrtle decides she needs to be a martyr for her ‘sins’ when she plucked out the council’s eyeballs. And I really didn’t see much point in a repeat performance, but hey, what the hell:

Myrtle Burned Again

Not really sure why they needed to repeat this scene again because it was no where NEAR as good as the one from episode five with Dr. John playing in the background, but I loved Myrtle this season so might as well give her a respectable death!

And lastly, our story ends with the newest Supreme with council at her side making introductions to the class of 2018! Awww…wait, WHAT!? A happy ending on AHS!? Yup…but I suppose the rest of the characters had terrible endings so I shouldn’t complain. Lookin’ good girls:

Lastly, I’ve provided a link to Lauren O’Connell’s version of House of the Rising Sun, it is an amazing cover of an amazing song, so I strongly encourage checkin’ it out below cus it’s AWESOME:

What’s Next

Well, what a ride this season has been! I have to admit, it was pretty original story and one of my favorite seasons of American Horror Story so far. My only big complaint about this season was that it seemed to be a bit more random than previous seasons and it was really difficult to understand the rules with which the Witches lived by. For example, having people die and come back to life over and over again didn’t make a whole lot of sense and didn’t really follow a consistent formula. Why is it that only Delia can bring Zoe back to life when Misty and the others were bringing people back to life long before that? Further, it also made death seem way less important since any one could be brought back to life at any given time.

Every AHS fan is probably already wondering where next season is headed. We have very limited info at this point but I think it has been confirmed that (1) it will be taking place in the 1950’s, and (2) will be shot in either New Orleans or Santa Fe. I can only hope this means a 1950’s post WWII setting with nuclear testing taking place in the desert (aka cold war preparations). This type of setting could easily incorporate Area 51, The Hills Have Eyes and GIANT RADIOACTIVE ANTS. Need I say more? [drools]

Now that we have the next 8 months to think about Season 4, I thought I’d also re-post the link from my article on tv.com which introduced six ideas for future instalments of the series. Check it out here: http://www.tv.com/shows/american-horror-story/community/post/my-top-6-where-should-american-horror-story-go-next-1386003372/. And if you have ideas of your own, please share them in the Comments! 🙂

Episode Score: 9.0Stevie Nicks is always a joy to watch and the Intro absolutely killed it! Points were awarded for making Delia the Supreme and Madison’s Glee reference, but points were subtracted for the repeat Witch Burning (been there, done that) and the lack of any real Witch battles–we all wanted to see Delia vs. Fiona, admit it! But this episode/season worked so well because it was FUN (which may or may not be appropriate for a horror show depending on who you are, but I for one enjoyed every second)!

No preview this time because, sadly, there is no American Horror Story next week–not until freaking OCTOBER!!! But at least WINTER IS COMING! 😉 Cheers.

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2 responses

  1. I loved this episode. Especially because of Stevie.

    1. Stevie freakin’ Nicks was amazeballs 🙂

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